On accepting a new person at home...

Before I had my second child I was very curious to see her. Just imagining how she would look made me very curious to actually see her. Would she be similar to my son in her looks, her temperament? I was also very curious to see how my son would react to her arrival. I was worried sick for months as to how he will handle my being away at the hospital and if he would create a huge fuss and cry loudly at the hospital when he visited me. Miraculously, he behaved so well and accepted my being away for two days despite never having been away from me for more than a few hours. But when he came to visit me at the hospital his reaction to the new baby was cool indifference. He just took a cursory glance at her, was mildly curious but he moved on to focusing on his mamma...he would come and sit right next to me in the bed for the whole hour and half he spent in the hospital room.
The morning after baby girl's birth, the nurse came to check her vitals. A very experienced older nurse, she was pleasant and asked me about my family and how the older one was taking to the arrival of the new baby. When I told her about his reaction and how I worried if he would be violent with her or would be very cranky from the sudden shift in my attention, she told me this: "Well, some one told me, you know - how would you feel if your husband brought home another wife and told you you had to accept it?!". Goodness - I didn't need that analogy to drive home the point. But it certainly did. Is that how bad it feels for him to share my time and attention (or his dad or grandma) with another new baby at home? Every time he gets cranky these days I tell myself I have to be understanding and be patient. I try, I really do. I spend all my free time with him what ever little there is of it. Even when I check my mails quickly or sit down to have my cereal in the morning, I ask him to sit right next to me and I am always engaging him in conversation. I make it a point to take him for a walk or to the park for him to play in the evenings. We make sure to take him on some outing on weekends. Every effort is being made in my opinion to make him feel secure. So when evening time comes and my husband has not yet returned from work, if my son acts cranky and does crazy things (like bring a sippy cup with Gatorade and reach up the crib and drop it in while I am stuck in position nursing the little one) - I just lose it. I feel angry that I am making every effort to not make him feel left out and yet he is demanding more of my attention. For those few seconds when I am driven to the edge I forget that he is still a child and that he is being incredibly generous in fact in how affectionate he is with his little sister and how accepting he is of her. All he wants is my love and attention and a constant reassurance that that hasn't changed. When things have calmed down and dinner has been fed and baby girl has gone to bed, I sit with him for an hour before he goes to bed. He used to run around the house playing kick the ball with his father during that time normally. But these days all he wants to do is to just soak up my free time and sit on my lap and hear me sing his favorite songs and wait me to ask "Appram yenna?" (what next?) and he will tell me the beginning words of the next line in the song. Those moments are just so precious and I feel so much at peace then. Until the next day...
For now I tell myself the only way to deal with all this is day by day....