Warm ice. What is this about, you wonder? Sounds like the mood I am in when we have had a fight, the house is quiet and the lights are dim and we are watching some crime show on television. There is a feeling of peace and relaxation in the air but then I don't want to give in since the anger and coldness is still brewing inside. It sounds like warm ice. No, but that's not what this is about.
KB suddenly came to us last morning and said, "Mamma, I want to do an experiment. I want to put warm water in the freezer and see if it still turns into ice". Since he is fond of these sort of "states of water" experiments I said, "OK, sure, go ahead". I didn't think anything of it. Gave him a cup of warm water which he thrust into the freezer. Later in the evening, KB asked to see the cup. And of course, the water had turned to ice. He looked at it wide eyed with his big eyes and exclaimed, "So my experiment flopped!".
Flopped? I was confused as to why he said that. "Why KB, why do you think it flopped?". "Because it is just cold ice". So I asked him what else he thought would happen. He said, "I didn't realize that the refrigerator would cool down the water to make it cold and then it would turn it to ice". I said with a casual tone, "Yenna daa solre KB?! Of course you know the water will cool down and it will turn to ice. I don't understand why you think the experiment flopped!". He looked kind of at a loss for how to explain what he had in mind. Again he said, "But Mamma, I didn't realize the water would first cool down. I wanted to see if the warmth will still be there under the ice". Then I got it. "Oh, KB, you thought the ice will form but the ice will feel warm instead of cold?". He felt relieved that I understood what he had in his mind. B told him, "KB you just did an experiment that teaches you the second law of thermodynamics!". "What is that?!!" KB asked us. We then told him that heat will always flow from a hot object to a cold object". Then I explained to him what the word thermodynamics meant. He was quite excited about his experiment. He didn't seem upset that it had "flopped" in his mind. I don't know how much of it he understood but for me it was really special because it is one of those moments when you witness the beauty of a child discovering and understanding the world around him. I wanted to write about it before I forgot about it even though I was falling asleep just a little while back.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Stereotypes?
I had borrowed a couple of amar chitra katha books and of late KB and KG have been very interested in us reading those books to them. Especially "Dashavatar". KB suddenly asked a very matter of fact question, "Daddy, why is it that the Asuras skin color is always painted grayish and the devas are always peachish?". It was a good observation, one that I took for granted in my childhood. But in light of the Trayvon Martin news, one begins to wonder, how much of this kind of stereotyping starts at a very young age?
We saw a movie on netflix, I just cannot remember the name of it. In it, a black man and his wife get pulled over by a cop while they are driving home. The white officer than insults the man by groping on his wife while checking if she has any arms on her. He stays quiet without defending the wife and just plays it safe so as to not get them into further trouble. I found it rather ridiculous when I was watching it and thought, come on, no one will be this bad and so daring. But now I hear more and more of how a black person has to play it safe and make sure he doesn't get harmed because he seems threatening. Sometimes it is so hard to explain these sort of things to children when they ask such questions.
We saw a movie on netflix, I just cannot remember the name of it. In it, a black man and his wife get pulled over by a cop while they are driving home. The white officer than insults the man by groping on his wife while checking if she has any arms on her. He stays quiet without defending the wife and just plays it safe so as to not get them into further trouble. I found it rather ridiculous when I was watching it and thought, come on, no one will be this bad and so daring. But now I hear more and more of how a black person has to play it safe and make sure he doesn't get harmed because he seems threatening. Sometimes it is so hard to explain these sort of things to children when they ask such questions.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
21
KB woke up a few times last night (March 20) and somehow managed to fall back to sleep. He woke up earlier than usual this morning (March 21) and said to me, "Mamma, you know why I woke up last night, because I am so excited about today. It is March 21! It is a very special day". He had already told me a little about why he thought it was special so I said "Yeah yeah" and I tried to get a few more minutes of sleep. A little later he got out of bed and had a bath and was getting dressed when he told his dad about why he was so excited. He listed a three or four reasons to which B just nodded and came to the kitchen. Suddenly in typical KB style we heard him sounding frustrated in the verge of tears. B went in to ask him what and KB said loudly and sadly, "Daddy, I don't remember all the reasons why I said today was so special, can you tell me what I told you?". B was in a spot. Obviously he had not paid full attention while KB was talking. He said one of the reasons to KB. But KB was very upset. He said, "No Daddy, can you please tell them in the order I told you?". B came to me in the kitchen and said, "God, I don't remember anything of what he said". Of course for the sake of KB, I rescued him. Thankfully KB had told me the reasons the night before and I remembered. 1) It is the first day of spring 2)It is early release day at school 3)It is his roll no at school 4)It is Tim Duncan's jersey number 5) We were meeting our close friends for dinner. B heard these from me and went and reported back to KB. KB felt relieved that all the reasons were mentioned.
When I was driving him back from school, he told me, "Mamma, one thousand six hundred and eighty divided by eighty is twenty one". And then he said, "Mamma, these numbers all have fun patterns". I asked him what and he said, "for example, for twenty one, the units place of the top number and the denominator are the same. Like forty two divided by two or eighty four divided by four or one hundred and sixty eight divided by eight". I hadn't really noticed it until he pointed it out to me. Even the other day he said something like this about some other set of numbers. Children and their minds. It is a clean slate. They are able to see things differently more easily. Even with KG, her innocent queries sometimes makes me wish my mind was as clear.
I had gone to KB's school yesterday because he got one of those semester awards they give out to a bunch of students within the class. KB and another student in his class got a writing excellence award. I was happy for him but I realized I just don't enjoy all these award ceremonies. I feel some tension in my system when they are giving those out and I find it hard to get rid of it the whole day. Even if my children were getting a prize. I don't like how it makes the other kids feel and I don't like how it makes the other moms whose children did not get any awards feel. Children do deserve recognition but I just don't enjoy it. I told B that in the future, if either of our children won awards, I don't want to go to these award ceremonies and he should somehow find a way to take time off from work and attend them.
Well, spring is here. Joyous time of the year. Birds chirping, flowers blooming, grass looking fresh and green, kids playing outside till late evening. I just love it. Happy spring every one!
When I was driving him back from school, he told me, "Mamma, one thousand six hundred and eighty divided by eighty is twenty one". And then he said, "Mamma, these numbers all have fun patterns". I asked him what and he said, "for example, for twenty one, the units place of the top number and the denominator are the same. Like forty two divided by two or eighty four divided by four or one hundred and sixty eight divided by eight". I hadn't really noticed it until he pointed it out to me. Even the other day he said something like this about some other set of numbers. Children and their minds. It is a clean slate. They are able to see things differently more easily. Even with KG, her innocent queries sometimes makes me wish my mind was as clear.
I had gone to KB's school yesterday because he got one of those semester awards they give out to a bunch of students within the class. KB and another student in his class got a writing excellence award. I was happy for him but I realized I just don't enjoy all these award ceremonies. I feel some tension in my system when they are giving those out and I find it hard to get rid of it the whole day. Even if my children were getting a prize. I don't like how it makes the other kids feel and I don't like how it makes the other moms whose children did not get any awards feel. Children do deserve recognition but I just don't enjoy it. I told B that in the future, if either of our children won awards, I don't want to go to these award ceremonies and he should somehow find a way to take time off from work and attend them.
Well, spring is here. Joyous time of the year. Birds chirping, flowers blooming, grass looking fresh and green, kids playing outside till late evening. I just love it. Happy spring every one!
Friday, March 16, 2012
High notes and low notes
A few weeks back I went to the doctor for my annual physical exam. Only in the last two or three years, I have tried to be regular about it. In the past though, I never gave it a second thought. It was a thing to be done with and I just got it over with and came home. She would go over the blood test result in two minutes and I would be out of there very quickly. This year though I was actually nervous when I went because I had some kind of pain that I had never experienced before. Without going into details, I was really worried what if she sees a lump or some such thing. Words like biopsy and the dreaded C word came to my mind leaving me anxious until I forced myself to shirk off such thoughts.
I have been extremely scared of such things of late because of what I saw my second cousin go through before she passed away leaving her only son and her husband. She was diagnosed with cancer, treated, went into remission and was totally cancer free for two years. Suddenly one day she found herself walk slowly compared to her brisk pace and others started noticing it and asked her about it. Tragically enough, the cancer had spread to her hip bone. Six months later, she passed away. Since this happened in India, I still am not able to feel it. That she is no more. She was so full of life and energy. She used care of me when I was in school and she was working (mom was away for a few months) and used to stay at our place. She used to laugh so loudly, make jokes and talk on and on and on. How can such a life be taken away so abruptly.
To this day I have not shed a single tear on account of her passing away. Yet her death is something that has affected me in a quiet and deep way. I have to go to her place and see her house minus her to even really come to grips with her absence. Since her passing away, I have come to know of more people who are either suffering through the dreaded C or have passed away from it. A friend of mine I spoke to after a while told me that her father was completely healthy and strong. Suddenly a year back he had a cough that wouldn't go away. They gave him antibiotics and sent him back. A month or so later he went to the ENT to see what could be done about his cough. Biopsy, the bad news and three months later he died. Just three months. Somehow hearing all this and the fact that my children are so young, any pain that is unusual now leaves me feeling so anxious. Partly because I rarely ever complain of any pain or tiredness. I guess my mother was/is that way and somehow I hate to even admit to myself even if I am really tired. I feel like I should push myself even if I am tired. So when I suddenly felt this kind of dull pain, my mind went on over drive with horrible thoughts.
Back to my physical exam. The doctor went through my blood work etc quickly as usual and said I was fine and she said my cholesterol and blood sugar levels were all really really good. I was happy about her stressing on how good they were. It had not been an issue ever but somehow this time she specially mentioned it. But since the pain kind persisted for another week, I got another test done and again went back to her. When I called the front desk and asked them if they had the results, they gave me cryptic answers saying that I would have to wait for the doctor to call me back and that they are not allowed to communicate test results. I told them I wanted an appointment with the doctor and the person said, "Oh, then would you like to come today?". I thought this meant it was urgent and so I took the appointment and went to see the doctor right away. The doctor examined me and said that it could just be some random pain that women sometimes go through because of hormonal cycles and that I was fine. I asked her about the test result and she very casually said, "Oh yeah, totally normal. I thought you already got the results in the mail"! Phew. I was really relieved that there was nothing abnormal. Even now I am afraid to say it because the pain did go away for sometime but occasionally I feel it.
The little time I had between talking to the secretary and getting to know that my test results were normal was filled some kind of blank anxiety. Blank as in feeling like there is nothing I can do if it were to be...and yet roped into anxiety the next minute when I thought of the children. Before kids, I would not have been worried so much. Kids just change everything. You want to be healthy, you want to be strong and alive and live for as long as they need you at the very least let alone for anything else. I want to be able to help my children with raising their children. Greedy thoughts considering I was at that point worried that I should at least last till they are eighteen! I feel so terrible when I think of people like my cousin who knew her end was coming and had to leave behind her only son who was just starting college. It must be the worst kind of emotional torture. That night when I was doing chores I felt this renewed energy for even those regular mundane chores. I feel as if every normal day we have is a second chance at doing better in the way we live our lives. In how we view it. I feel like every moment I spend with my children is precious. I treasure it even more now if that was even possible. I try even harder to not loose my cool with them. I do get angry but I cool down faster. Same with my husband. We fight (or should I say I do) like always but I cool off faster. But the one thing I still am not able to come to terms with is that wistful feeling when I think of my career and that I will never have a stellar career after such a long break. If at all it will be a job. I am grateful that I was able to be the primary caretaker for my children in their very young years and from here on at least they will both be old enough to be in full day school and be able to communicate their feelings very well even if I were to get back to work. I never for a moment regret my time with them and feel very sure that I did the right thing in staying home with them. Nothing else would have felt right for me personally. I completely believe that this decision resides with the mother - if the mom is able to work and make peace with that, it is the best decision for her. For me, this has been the best decision. But I wish I had thought of all this and planned my career differently from the start. Well, at least, I should try to do the best of the years ahead. Good health for oneself and family is the biggest blessing a person can have. The scare I went through for those few days was a jolt to remind me of that even more. I could say this in every post literally - that I wish for myself and for all of you good health always!
I have been extremely scared of such things of late because of what I saw my second cousin go through before she passed away leaving her only son and her husband. She was diagnosed with cancer, treated, went into remission and was totally cancer free for two years. Suddenly one day she found herself walk slowly compared to her brisk pace and others started noticing it and asked her about it. Tragically enough, the cancer had spread to her hip bone. Six months later, she passed away. Since this happened in India, I still am not able to feel it. That she is no more. She was so full of life and energy. She used care of me when I was in school and she was working (mom was away for a few months) and used to stay at our place. She used to laugh so loudly, make jokes and talk on and on and on. How can such a life be taken away so abruptly.
To this day I have not shed a single tear on account of her passing away. Yet her death is something that has affected me in a quiet and deep way. I have to go to her place and see her house minus her to even really come to grips with her absence. Since her passing away, I have come to know of more people who are either suffering through the dreaded C or have passed away from it. A friend of mine I spoke to after a while told me that her father was completely healthy and strong. Suddenly a year back he had a cough that wouldn't go away. They gave him antibiotics and sent him back. A month or so later he went to the ENT to see what could be done about his cough. Biopsy, the bad news and three months later he died. Just three months. Somehow hearing all this and the fact that my children are so young, any pain that is unusual now leaves me feeling so anxious. Partly because I rarely ever complain of any pain or tiredness. I guess my mother was/is that way and somehow I hate to even admit to myself even if I am really tired. I feel like I should push myself even if I am tired. So when I suddenly felt this kind of dull pain, my mind went on over drive with horrible thoughts.
Back to my physical exam. The doctor went through my blood work etc quickly as usual and said I was fine and she said my cholesterol and blood sugar levels were all really really good. I was happy about her stressing on how good they were. It had not been an issue ever but somehow this time she specially mentioned it. But since the pain kind persisted for another week, I got another test done and again went back to her. When I called the front desk and asked them if they had the results, they gave me cryptic answers saying that I would have to wait for the doctor to call me back and that they are not allowed to communicate test results. I told them I wanted an appointment with the doctor and the person said, "Oh, then would you like to come today?". I thought this meant it was urgent and so I took the appointment and went to see the doctor right away. The doctor examined me and said that it could just be some random pain that women sometimes go through because of hormonal cycles and that I was fine. I asked her about the test result and she very casually said, "Oh yeah, totally normal. I thought you already got the results in the mail"! Phew. I was really relieved that there was nothing abnormal. Even now I am afraid to say it because the pain did go away for sometime but occasionally I feel it.
The little time I had between talking to the secretary and getting to know that my test results were normal was filled some kind of blank anxiety. Blank as in feeling like there is nothing I can do if it were to be...and yet roped into anxiety the next minute when I thought of the children. Before kids, I would not have been worried so much. Kids just change everything. You want to be healthy, you want to be strong and alive and live for as long as they need you at the very least let alone for anything else. I want to be able to help my children with raising their children. Greedy thoughts considering I was at that point worried that I should at least last till they are eighteen! I feel so terrible when I think of people like my cousin who knew her end was coming and had to leave behind her only son who was just starting college. It must be the worst kind of emotional torture. That night when I was doing chores I felt this renewed energy for even those regular mundane chores. I feel as if every normal day we have is a second chance at doing better in the way we live our lives. In how we view it. I feel like every moment I spend with my children is precious. I treasure it even more now if that was even possible. I try even harder to not loose my cool with them. I do get angry but I cool down faster. Same with my husband. We fight (or should I say I do) like always but I cool off faster. But the one thing I still am not able to come to terms with is that wistful feeling when I think of my career and that I will never have a stellar career after such a long break. If at all it will be a job. I am grateful that I was able to be the primary caretaker for my children in their very young years and from here on at least they will both be old enough to be in full day school and be able to communicate their feelings very well even if I were to get back to work. I never for a moment regret my time with them and feel very sure that I did the right thing in staying home with them. Nothing else would have felt right for me personally. I completely believe that this decision resides with the mother - if the mom is able to work and make peace with that, it is the best decision for her. For me, this has been the best decision. But I wish I had thought of all this and planned my career differently from the start. Well, at least, I should try to do the best of the years ahead. Good health for oneself and family is the biggest blessing a person can have. The scare I went through for those few days was a jolt to remind me of that even more. I could say this in every post literally - that I wish for myself and for all of you good health always!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
KG deep thoughts
Day 1 - KG: "Mamma, can I live for ever?"
Me: No, KG, no one can live for ever.
KG: "So I will die?"
Me: Every one dies. Human beings live for a maximum of may be 120 years.
KG: "Awn, I want to live for ever. I don't want to die".
Me: It's OK KG, we don't need to worry about it now. Just play OK.
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Day 2: KG sitting in the bathroom - suddenly talking loudly to me.
"Mamma, when someone dies, do they get created again?".
Me: Good question KG. No one really knows for sure. When we die we again become a part of the universe.
Silence. Am sure she is still processing that information. And more questions will follow.
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Me: No, KG, no one can live for ever.
KG: "So I will die?"
Me: Every one dies. Human beings live for a maximum of may be 120 years.
KG: "Awn, I want to live for ever. I don't want to die".
Me: It's OK KG, we don't need to worry about it now. Just play OK.
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Day 2: KG sitting in the bathroom - suddenly talking loudly to me.
"Mamma, when someone dies, do they get created again?".
Me: Good question KG. No one really knows for sure. When we die we again become a part of the universe.
Silence. Am sure she is still processing that information. And more questions will follow.
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Monday, February 20, 2012
Internet explorer
KB these days has taken to requesting that all four of us be together in the room while they fall asleep. One night KB and KG were in bed and I was in between them. KB kept calling for his dad to come and lie down next to him. B was taking for ever. When finally he came, KB laughed and said to me, "Mamma, daddy was as usual reading on the internet. From now on, I am going to call him Internet Explorer". KB only uses Mozilla and doesn't know about internet explorer except as the "e" symbol he sees on the screen. Indeed KB, that is an apt name for your father and am sure most dads!
Another such light moment from KB happened again when he was lazing in the couch getting ready for bed. He said to me, "Mamma, do you know what one bee said to another when it wanted to be entertained?". "LET'S StING!".
Another such light moment from KB happened again when he was lazing in the couch getting ready for bed. He said to me, "Mamma, do you know what one bee said to another when it wanted to be entertained?". "LET'S StING!".
Thursday, February 09, 2012
For my 200th post...
200'th post finally. I did not know I was at 200 until I sat down to write a post. It is really not much considering I started in 2006. So much has happened and so much has changed since then. Even in my blog world. Friendships made, friendships that faded away. Nevertheless, I hope to continue writing even if not frequently.
I have a couple of posts in drafts. But for my 200th post, I thought I should post this valentine day poem that KB wrote in his class (based on the five senses). Wishing all the lovely people I have come to know and their wonderful children that I read about a wonderful Valentine's day. Hallmark's day, yes. But still, a chance to send happy thoughts along! Here's the poem.
I have a couple of posts in drafts. But for my 200th post, I thought I should post this valentine day poem that KB wrote in his class (based on the five senses). Wishing all the lovely people I have come to know and their wonderful children that I read about a wonderful Valentine's day. Hallmark's day, yes. But still, a chance to send happy thoughts along! Here's the poem.
Love tastes like warm cooked green peas
Love smells like fresh homemade orange juice
Love feels like a new Harry Potter book
Love looks like a waterfall after a hike
Love sounds like when my parents say “good job” after I write a story!
Monday, December 05, 2011
My first piano recital!
Well, er...it is not my** piano recital although it felt very much like it. It was KB's first piano recital. He goes to this school of music where their recitals are a very formal affair. Having never gone to any student recitals for western music before and being used to the Indian arangetrams etc where things are a little more informal, I was sort of taken aback by the quietness and order in the music auditorium where it was held.
I should go back to the days leading up to the recital day. KB has been learning the piano for a year and three months now. He could have gone to a recital in June 2011 itself. But his teacher is a very dedicated and perceptive one. She told me that knowing KB's nature it is better he waits for a few more months before his first recital. She told me that he would take it hard on himself if he gets up on stage and gets nervous. She wanted to give him the time to mature a little and to feel more confident about his skills. I was a little disappointed because she always gave me the feedback that he was playing very well in class and that she never has to stick to the same song in the class and is able to proceed to the next song. Based on that I felt like, why can't he then take part in the recital? But I also know KB and I was grateful that his teacher was being sensible about it and not rushing him into a recital. I got over the mild disappointment I had and was glad actually that he was not going for the June recital. But before I knew it was October and I started getting mails about the recital from his piano school. The teacher made him practice two songs and finally decided that he would play one of those.
From November onwards, we focused more on this two minute piece when he practiced at home. Funny how a two minute piece takes so much practice to play well on stage. It was not a trivial piece in terms of finger movements for a six year old - so I was nervous that he shouldn't bungle up on stage. He used to get it right without any mistakes when he played in the best of moods. When he was not tired and when he was not thinking about the recital itself. But if he thought about it or if we bugged him to practice when he didn't want to, he would make mistakes. And he used to just break down alone in his room crying when he made a mistake and would always start over. Not just correct his mistake and move on. What do you do when some things like that are so ingrained in their nature? We can only be encouraging and try to let them sort out their own emotions. If KG were in his place, I would imagine she would just shrug and play that part again or just move on and finish the piece. My big concern with KB was that he might not continue if he made a mistake but would start over and that would look worse than moving on. His teacher too told him in a jovial way that "sometimes you have to fake it on stage. If you make a mistake, you don't start the song all over, you just keep going". He practiced his little speech that he had to give before the recital - as to which piece he picked, why he picked it, what he likes about it etc. The night before the recital he woke up with night mares and was screaming the name of his recital piece and mumbling random things. I had to cool him down with cold water because his head was so hot.
Murphy's law, of course has to come into the picture. Just the day before the recital, we had gusty winds and KB started coughing mildly. The morning of the recital he woke up with a fever. All that practice and he may not even be able to go to the recital?! I just kept my fingers crossed. Luckily he got a lot better by noon with a lot of TLC - steaming, ginger/honey extract, total rest, warm water etc. KB reluctantly agreed to wear pants (instead of shorts) and a vest and a tie and got ready for the recital. When we reached there, there were so few cars that I thought that this would be no big deal. Some five or six people and it wouldn't be scary for him. But when it came time for the recital, the whole place was filled up and the auditorium was full. The grand piano was so large that KB looked like a little ant in front of it. Since he was the youngest in the group, they called him first. He got up on stage very confidently and gave his speech and played his piece. When I saw the video later, I didn't feel like it was 100% like his school director said it was. He made one slight mistake on one note and the tempo was not perfect. But it didn't show so he got away with it. As he played, I could literally feel my heart beating. Thank heavens he played well and was done with it. Phew - first recital done! From next time on, I hope/expect it will be less intimidating. One of the parents came to me and said that he was floored by the way he gave his speech confidently and played with gusto. Another mom came to me and said the same thing. The director of the school (who did a pre-test before the recital as well) came to me and also gave high praise for KB's performance. I was totally taken by surprise because I honestly didn't think about all that. He did a good job but somehow I didn't feel so floored by his confidence etc. I know as his mother how much he had internalized his anxiety about this recital. So I could not feel anything but a sense of relief when it was done. Recitals are no big deal for some people, but for me because of KB's intense nature (where he wakes up petrified with night mares), this first experience was a big deal. I was just grateful it went without any tears for him. Everything else was a bonus.
B and I later talked about this whole thing. We as parents did put in some effort into this two or three minute recital. Not tiger mom levels. But it wasn't nothing either. The way I saw it was - it is important enough to give it your best. But it is not as important if things did not go well to cry about it. It is a small thing in the big picture of life but it is these little moments that shape up a person little by little. So in that sense I had to make sure we gave him the nurturing without it being damaging. But beyond that if he had not done well, I was sure neither of us would have said anything but kind words to him. I feel like this experience was a big one for me too because it made me evaluate what is important to me for him, as his mother. I feel like I got some clarity in terms of my emotions. I was in a way relieved when one of the dads told me that when his daughter was playing on stage his hands went cold from nervousness. Good, am not the only one! How about you?!
I should go back to the days leading up to the recital day. KB has been learning the piano for a year and three months now. He could have gone to a recital in June 2011 itself. But his teacher is a very dedicated and perceptive one. She told me that knowing KB's nature it is better he waits for a few more months before his first recital. She told me that he would take it hard on himself if he gets up on stage and gets nervous. She wanted to give him the time to mature a little and to feel more confident about his skills. I was a little disappointed because she always gave me the feedback that he was playing very well in class and that she never has to stick to the same song in the class and is able to proceed to the next song. Based on that I felt like, why can't he then take part in the recital? But I also know KB and I was grateful that his teacher was being sensible about it and not rushing him into a recital. I got over the mild disappointment I had and was glad actually that he was not going for the June recital. But before I knew it was October and I started getting mails about the recital from his piano school. The teacher made him practice two songs and finally decided that he would play one of those.
From November onwards, we focused more on this two minute piece when he practiced at home. Funny how a two minute piece takes so much practice to play well on stage. It was not a trivial piece in terms of finger movements for a six year old - so I was nervous that he shouldn't bungle up on stage. He used to get it right without any mistakes when he played in the best of moods. When he was not tired and when he was not thinking about the recital itself. But if he thought about it or if we bugged him to practice when he didn't want to, he would make mistakes. And he used to just break down alone in his room crying when he made a mistake and would always start over. Not just correct his mistake and move on. What do you do when some things like that are so ingrained in their nature? We can only be encouraging and try to let them sort out their own emotions. If KG were in his place, I would imagine she would just shrug and play that part again or just move on and finish the piece. My big concern with KB was that he might not continue if he made a mistake but would start over and that would look worse than moving on. His teacher too told him in a jovial way that "sometimes you have to fake it on stage. If you make a mistake, you don't start the song all over, you just keep going". He practiced his little speech that he had to give before the recital - as to which piece he picked, why he picked it, what he likes about it etc. The night before the recital he woke up with night mares and was screaming the name of his recital piece and mumbling random things. I had to cool him down with cold water because his head was so hot.
Murphy's law, of course has to come into the picture. Just the day before the recital, we had gusty winds and KB started coughing mildly. The morning of the recital he woke up with a fever. All that practice and he may not even be able to go to the recital?! I just kept my fingers crossed. Luckily he got a lot better by noon with a lot of TLC - steaming, ginger/honey extract, total rest, warm water etc. KB reluctantly agreed to wear pants (instead of shorts) and a vest and a tie and got ready for the recital. When we reached there, there were so few cars that I thought that this would be no big deal. Some five or six people and it wouldn't be scary for him. But when it came time for the recital, the whole place was filled up and the auditorium was full. The grand piano was so large that KB looked like a little ant in front of it. Since he was the youngest in the group, they called him first. He got up on stage very confidently and gave his speech and played his piece. When I saw the video later, I didn't feel like it was 100% like his school director said it was. He made one slight mistake on one note and the tempo was not perfect. But it didn't show so he got away with it. As he played, I could literally feel my heart beating. Thank heavens he played well and was done with it. Phew - first recital done! From next time on, I hope/expect it will be less intimidating. One of the parents came to me and said that he was floored by the way he gave his speech confidently and played with gusto. Another mom came to me and said the same thing. The director of the school (who did a pre-test before the recital as well) came to me and also gave high praise for KB's performance. I was totally taken by surprise because I honestly didn't think about all that. He did a good job but somehow I didn't feel so floored by his confidence etc. I know as his mother how much he had internalized his anxiety about this recital. So I could not feel anything but a sense of relief when it was done. Recitals are no big deal for some people, but for me because of KB's intense nature (where he wakes up petrified with night mares), this first experience was a big deal. I was just grateful it went without any tears for him. Everything else was a bonus.
B and I later talked about this whole thing. We as parents did put in some effort into this two or three minute recital. Not tiger mom levels. But it wasn't nothing either. The way I saw it was - it is important enough to give it your best. But it is not as important if things did not go well to cry about it. It is a small thing in the big picture of life but it is these little moments that shape up a person little by little. So in that sense I had to make sure we gave him the nurturing without it being damaging. But beyond that if he had not done well, I was sure neither of us would have said anything but kind words to him. I feel like this experience was a big one for me too because it made me evaluate what is important to me for him, as his mother. I feel like I got some clarity in terms of my emotions. I was in a way relieved when one of the dads told me that when his daughter was playing on stage his hands went cold from nervousness. Good, am not the only one! How about you?!
Monday, November 21, 2011
Is preschool necessary?
My second child KG who is now 4 yrs and 5m old is going to preschool three half days a week. My son KB who is now 6 yrs and 3m old went to a preschool program offered by the city (two hours a day, four days a week) for age three and to a proper preschool for three half days a week when he was age four. He is now in first grade. I think back to what my perspective to preschool is after seeing him go through kindergarten and now first grade and having seen four different kind of preschools between the two children.
I find that at the end of the day, no matter what the reputation of the school is, it finally boils down to the teacher. Where I live, it is pretty hard to find spots in good preschools. And really am still not clear on how to find that perfect preschool. I sometimes wish I could just get early education credits and start a preschool that fits my requirements! Because I still have not come across a preschool that has all that I want. Either the school emphasizes academic learning too much or they do only play and have no emphasis on academic learning.
Parents who are both working have to send their children to day care anyway so it makes sense for them to spend a premium in terms of money and time in finding a really good preschool. If the child is going to be at school during most of his/her waking hours, then it is worth spending a lot of money on preschool. But after my experience with preschools I feel that if one parent is not working and does spend a good amount of quality time with the child, then preschool is necessary only so much. It helps to get used to being away from the parent, to get used to making friends without the parent guiding the process, to get used to authority (although I have a whole lot of thoughts about that part). From my perspective I find three half days a week more than enough. I did not choose that, it so happened that the tiny preschool that KB went to only had three half days open and the school KG now goes to had only one spot available when I applied and that was for three half days.
KG went to a play/developmental preschool at age three. Her teacher was a loving, charming and lively teacher. I was really happy with that school for age three. KG's teacher loved children. She would hug them, talk to them and would rarely yell at the kids. Their school had a great play yard and plenty of good play equipment. They read books to them but any ABC's she learned came from her learning at home. No writing ever. I felt there was always some chaos in the room because the children were playing a lot and I somehow felt at age four KG needed a little more focused play or quiet time. It so happened KB changed schools so I decided to change schools for KG also. I love Montessori materials and I like the activities that make children focus and do work quietly. But the problem with Montessori schools in our area is that they are way way too expensive esp considering that I am home with the kids and they don't "need" to spend time at school or day care. Nevertheless, I found a school that was somewhat affordable for four full days (9 to 3). Let's call this school M (for Montessori).
I had an uneasy feeling even when I toured school M because when I went to the pre-K classroom, the teacher did not look up or make eye contact with me or KG. She may have been busy with the kids but I still cannot understand why they cannot acknowledge us when they walk from one desk to another by just giving a half nod at least. When I initiated with a smile, she smiled back a little. Anyway, the director of the school was very good and the distance/cost/timing etc worked well and they were serious about "teaching" the kids a lot. In a way I was impressed by all that but I kind of brushed aside the discomfort I had with the how the class environment did not seem warm, esp the interaction between the teacher and students. When I took KG on the first day of school, we walked in at 9.00 a.m. (some of the kids walk in a line at 8.45 a.m. it seems). I was stunned that no one welcomed her or even looked at us. Two lead teachers and one assistant teacher. Every one was busy. One crying child fully occupied one teacher. I found it very strange. First day of school and no one to say hello to a child who is new to the class. Anyway I settled KG in and got her going on some activity and I left. She was OK when I picked her up. But at night the ranting started. KG who normally goes to sleep in a wink if she is tired would come from her bed to the living room five times or so worrying about school and constantly saying " I don't know what I am supposed to do!", "Ms.M gave Brandon a time out", "My lunch mat did not have any crumbs, why do I have to put a wet sponge on it?" etc etc. After about two weeks of this ranting, I finally went and spoke to the director. He was very understanding and he told the lead teacher Mrs.D to keep an eye on KG and "teach" her some of the Montessori activities since she was not familiar with some of them. Mrs.D was nice and did help KG through the adjustment for a bit. But the ranting still continued. And every day I found that the atmosphere was the same. Stern looks from the teachers towards the children. May be this is how a Montessori works, am not sure. But I have seen one other Montessori which is quite far from my house. There the teachers were very warm and nurturing towards the kids even if the activities were all the same as school M and the kids were still focused. It basically did not gel well with me because KG was sounding worried and hassled every night even though she did not cry when I dropped her. Towards the end of September, I started thinking about pulling her out. One morning KG said to me, "Mrs.M held my hand so tight, it hurt me. Why did she do that?". I asked her why she held her hand and what time of the day it happened. KG said, "She said that I had to say "Good Afternoon" to the kids. Why should I say it to the kids? They are not my teachers!". I don't know what really happened then, but what ever it was, this was the last straw. I did not want this kind of hand holding and being forced to say good afternoon etc in preschool. I had seen that teacher harshly plop a crying boy in the time out chair. I could believe she was capable of being a little rough with the children. I emailed the director that day and told him I would be pulling KG out of that school and that it was not working out. I found another play school near by with just 12 kids per class and the teacher was very warm and cheerful when we went to tour the place. She looked at KG and talked to her. That was important to me. I could only get a spot for three half days but I took it anyway.
I actually feel happy that I get to spend more time with KG. It does give me very little time to do anything for myself. But I still enjoy my time with KG. I am able to sit and read to her when KB is at school. I am able to take her to the library, to the farm market and so on. She reads simple bob books, does simple mental additions, does simple mazes or we play with her million hot wheel cars. I feel glad things turned out this way. KB went to pre-K only three half days a week. At that time, some of the Montessori kids were probably a tiny bit ahead of him in reading. They could read say level 1 books very comfortably but he had to read those slowly (when he was 4.5 yrs old). He then joined a Montessori for Kindergarten where only about 4 kids were from non Montessori preschools. KB had no problems keeping up with them and did very well in Kindergarten. He is now in first grade and has been placed in the advanced readers group after the assessment. In effect I feel that preschool is not an absolute must. It is good to send kids to preschool because it is fun to be around kids and play with age appropriate play equipment. But if the parent can spend a lot of time at home with the child and also take the child to city classes like "clay play" etc, that should be more than enough to cover all the bases. I personally feel/felt that for preschool age, it is most important to be with a loving and nurturing teacher. Without that I felt as if I was sending the child to some kind of juvenile prison where they have to obey rules or else! Children are so precious and innocent and they can be so easily manipulated or made to feel scared by people of authority. It is important they learn how to behave well but it is equally important as to how they are taught those rules. I may yell at my children at home but they know that they can voice their opinion back to me in equal measure. But with a teacher, they don't have that freedom. So the responsibility lies on the teacher to know where to draw the line when it comes to disciplining the children or in knowing how to do it. I am getting away changing schools because KG is only in preschool. My friend's child is in fourth grade and her teacher is rude and screams at the kids in the class. But at that age it is very hard to change schools. I am not looking forward to dealing with those situations. For now, I am happy with the way things turned out with KG's preschool. She is happy and hence I am happy !
I find that at the end of the day, no matter what the reputation of the school is, it finally boils down to the teacher. Where I live, it is pretty hard to find spots in good preschools. And really am still not clear on how to find that perfect preschool. I sometimes wish I could just get early education credits and start a preschool that fits my requirements! Because I still have not come across a preschool that has all that I want. Either the school emphasizes academic learning too much or they do only play and have no emphasis on academic learning.
Parents who are both working have to send their children to day care anyway so it makes sense for them to spend a premium in terms of money and time in finding a really good preschool. If the child is going to be at school during most of his/her waking hours, then it is worth spending a lot of money on preschool. But after my experience with preschools I feel that if one parent is not working and does spend a good amount of quality time with the child, then preschool is necessary only so much. It helps to get used to being away from the parent, to get used to making friends without the parent guiding the process, to get used to authority (although I have a whole lot of thoughts about that part). From my perspective I find three half days a week more than enough. I did not choose that, it so happened that the tiny preschool that KB went to only had three half days open and the school KG now goes to had only one spot available when I applied and that was for three half days.
KG went to a play/developmental preschool at age three. Her teacher was a loving, charming and lively teacher. I was really happy with that school for age three. KG's teacher loved children. She would hug them, talk to them and would rarely yell at the kids. Their school had a great play yard and plenty of good play equipment. They read books to them but any ABC's she learned came from her learning at home. No writing ever. I felt there was always some chaos in the room because the children were playing a lot and I somehow felt at age four KG needed a little more focused play or quiet time. It so happened KB changed schools so I decided to change schools for KG also. I love Montessori materials and I like the activities that make children focus and do work quietly. But the problem with Montessori schools in our area is that they are way way too expensive esp considering that I am home with the kids and they don't "need" to spend time at school or day care. Nevertheless, I found a school that was somewhat affordable for four full days (9 to 3). Let's call this school M (for Montessori).
I had an uneasy feeling even when I toured school M because when I went to the pre-K classroom, the teacher did not look up or make eye contact with me or KG. She may have been busy with the kids but I still cannot understand why they cannot acknowledge us when they walk from one desk to another by just giving a half nod at least. When I initiated with a smile, she smiled back a little. Anyway, the director of the school was very good and the distance/cost/timing etc worked well and they were serious about "teaching" the kids a lot. In a way I was impressed by all that but I kind of brushed aside the discomfort I had with the how the class environment did not seem warm, esp the interaction between the teacher and students. When I took KG on the first day of school, we walked in at 9.00 a.m. (some of the kids walk in a line at 8.45 a.m. it seems). I was stunned that no one welcomed her or even looked at us. Two lead teachers and one assistant teacher. Every one was busy. One crying child fully occupied one teacher. I found it very strange. First day of school and no one to say hello to a child who is new to the class. Anyway I settled KG in and got her going on some activity and I left. She was OK when I picked her up. But at night the ranting started. KG who normally goes to sleep in a wink if she is tired would come from her bed to the living room five times or so worrying about school and constantly saying " I don't know what I am supposed to do!", "Ms.M gave Brandon a time out", "My lunch mat did not have any crumbs, why do I have to put a wet sponge on it?" etc etc. After about two weeks of this ranting, I finally went and spoke to the director. He was very understanding and he told the lead teacher Mrs.D to keep an eye on KG and "teach" her some of the Montessori activities since she was not familiar with some of them. Mrs.D was nice and did help KG through the adjustment for a bit. But the ranting still continued. And every day I found that the atmosphere was the same. Stern looks from the teachers towards the children. May be this is how a Montessori works, am not sure. But I have seen one other Montessori which is quite far from my house. There the teachers were very warm and nurturing towards the kids even if the activities were all the same as school M and the kids were still focused. It basically did not gel well with me because KG was sounding worried and hassled every night even though she did not cry when I dropped her. Towards the end of September, I started thinking about pulling her out. One morning KG said to me, "Mrs.M held my hand so tight, it hurt me. Why did she do that?". I asked her why she held her hand and what time of the day it happened. KG said, "She said that I had to say "Good Afternoon" to the kids. Why should I say it to the kids? They are not my teachers!". I don't know what really happened then, but what ever it was, this was the last straw. I did not want this kind of hand holding and being forced to say good afternoon etc in preschool. I had seen that teacher harshly plop a crying boy in the time out chair. I could believe she was capable of being a little rough with the children. I emailed the director that day and told him I would be pulling KG out of that school and that it was not working out. I found another play school near by with just 12 kids per class and the teacher was very warm and cheerful when we went to tour the place. She looked at KG and talked to her. That was important to me. I could only get a spot for three half days but I took it anyway.
I actually feel happy that I get to spend more time with KG. It does give me very little time to do anything for myself. But I still enjoy my time with KG. I am able to sit and read to her when KB is at school. I am able to take her to the library, to the farm market and so on. She reads simple bob books, does simple mental additions, does simple mazes or we play with her million hot wheel cars. I feel glad things turned out this way. KB went to pre-K only three half days a week. At that time, some of the Montessori kids were probably a tiny bit ahead of him in reading. They could read say level 1 books very comfortably but he had to read those slowly (when he was 4.5 yrs old). He then joined a Montessori for Kindergarten where only about 4 kids were from non Montessori preschools. KB had no problems keeping up with them and did very well in Kindergarten. He is now in first grade and has been placed in the advanced readers group after the assessment. In effect I feel that preschool is not an absolute must. It is good to send kids to preschool because it is fun to be around kids and play with age appropriate play equipment. But if the parent can spend a lot of time at home with the child and also take the child to city classes like "clay play" etc, that should be more than enough to cover all the bases. I personally feel/felt that for preschool age, it is most important to be with a loving and nurturing teacher. Without that I felt as if I was sending the child to some kind of juvenile prison where they have to obey rules or else! Children are so precious and innocent and they can be so easily manipulated or made to feel scared by people of authority. It is important they learn how to behave well but it is equally important as to how they are taught those rules. I may yell at my children at home but they know that they can voice their opinion back to me in equal measure. But with a teacher, they don't have that freedom. So the responsibility lies on the teacher to know where to draw the line when it comes to disciplining the children or in knowing how to do it. I am getting away changing schools because KG is only in preschool. My friend's child is in fourth grade and her teacher is rude and screams at the kids in the class. But at that age it is very hard to change schools. I am not looking forward to dealing with those situations. For now, I am happy with the way things turned out with KG's preschool. She is happy and hence I am happy !
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Best compliment if it were true!
This post is going to be again a bit of this and bit of that kind of post. Either this or I will wait for ever to write a post that flows consistently in terms of topic and it may never happen.
So the other day KB was playing with his Scooby Doo ball and suddenly turned to me (of course thoughts are always going on in his head I think) and said, "Mamma, you have the most knowledge in this house. I think you have Goddess Saraswathi in you!" I have told them and they have heard it in their Bal Vihar lessons that Saraswati is the goddess of learning. I was so taken aback by the unexpected remark from KB. Sadly, I could only feel sort of sad about it because it is only a matter of time before he knows a lot more than me and as of now it is B who knows the most amongst the four of us in the family. B sometimes seems to me like some kind of walking encyclopedia of information. But KB thinks I know the most in the family because I spend more time with them and I read to them more and explain things to him more often. As it is for all his physics questions I send him off to his dad. I am now reading "Steve Jobs" biography and one of the things (of the many) that struck me was when he said, "I discovered that I was smarter than my parents". God, I hate the day when KB is going to think that of me. But B said to me, all boys think that way at some point growing up. May be that teen arrogance, I don't know. Well, as of now, I should enjoy KB thinking so highly of me! :)
On the topic of Steve Jobs biography. B was surprised I pre-ordered the book and am reading it now. I didn't buy it because I wanted to read about some Mahatma. Every one knows of Job's shortcomings as a person. How nasty he was to so many people. But the book makes for a very interesting read. I find the man very intriguing. And his life story has so many twists and turns that it is so unbelievable. I love biographies in general. Especially of people who come from ordinary backgrounds and do so well in life. I have reserved this book in the library and I hope to read about this amazing person as soon as I finish Jobs's biography. It is mind blowing sometimes what is possible when there is a will and if the person is lucky enough to come across the right situations, a few encouraging people and so on. At the same time, God knows how many people don't end up succeeding purely because of bad luck and not being in the right place.
I have to go now to take KB to his basketball class. But before that a quick lament about my trip to the mall this morning. I hate going to malls let alone first thing in the morning. But I want to buy a 100% cotton sweater that is nicely tailored and preferably with buttons or with a zipper. Unbelievable. I went to Macy's, JCP, Sears, Old Navy and looked at some online sites. Within a budget of 50 dollars (I upped it from my usual max 20 to 50 only because I am just not able to find one), I am not able to find a single sweater that I like! The choices for 100% cotton sweaters is so limited this year. I am so annoyed that finding a good cotton sweater that too in the holiday season when every store is amply stocked is this hard for me. Even finding a good sweater needs luck!!
On that note, ciao! And Ranjani - will post on the school change news in the next post!
So the other day KB was playing with his Scooby Doo ball and suddenly turned to me (of course thoughts are always going on in his head I think) and said, "Mamma, you have the most knowledge in this house. I think you have Goddess Saraswathi in you!" I have told them and they have heard it in their Bal Vihar lessons that Saraswati is the goddess of learning. I was so taken aback by the unexpected remark from KB. Sadly, I could only feel sort of sad about it because it is only a matter of time before he knows a lot more than me and as of now it is B who knows the most amongst the four of us in the family. B sometimes seems to me like some kind of walking encyclopedia of information. But KB thinks I know the most in the family because I spend more time with them and I read to them more and explain things to him more often. As it is for all his physics questions I send him off to his dad. I am now reading "Steve Jobs" biography and one of the things (of the many) that struck me was when he said, "I discovered that I was smarter than my parents". God, I hate the day when KB is going to think that of me. But B said to me, all boys think that way at some point growing up. May be that teen arrogance, I don't know. Well, as of now, I should enjoy KB thinking so highly of me! :)
On the topic of Steve Jobs biography. B was surprised I pre-ordered the book and am reading it now. I didn't buy it because I wanted to read about some Mahatma. Every one knows of Job's shortcomings as a person. How nasty he was to so many people. But the book makes for a very interesting read. I find the man very intriguing. And his life story has so many twists and turns that it is so unbelievable. I love biographies in general. Especially of people who come from ordinary backgrounds and do so well in life. I have reserved this book in the library and I hope to read about this amazing person as soon as I finish Jobs's biography. It is mind blowing sometimes what is possible when there is a will and if the person is lucky enough to come across the right situations, a few encouraging people and so on. At the same time, God knows how many people don't end up succeeding purely because of bad luck and not being in the right place.
I have to go now to take KB to his basketball class. But before that a quick lament about my trip to the mall this morning. I hate going to malls let alone first thing in the morning. But I want to buy a 100% cotton sweater that is nicely tailored and preferably with buttons or with a zipper. Unbelievable. I went to Macy's, JCP, Sears, Old Navy and looked at some online sites. Within a budget of 50 dollars (I upped it from my usual max 20 to 50 only because I am just not able to find one), I am not able to find a single sweater that I like! The choices for 100% cotton sweaters is so limited this year. I am so annoyed that finding a good cotton sweater that too in the holiday season when every store is amply stocked is this hard for me. Even finding a good sweater needs luck!!
On that note, ciao! And Ranjani - will post on the school change news in the next post!
Friday, November 04, 2011
This n that...since last post
It is becoming harder and harder mentally to sit down for actually typing out the thoughts for a post. Have to check if the siri can do something about this. Just dictate my thoughts and ask it to post!
Let me start with short updates. For any one interested that is - including me - reading this probably a few years later may be. I decided at the last minute to keep "golu" for Navaratri this time around. I always hesitated because the thought of a whole bunch of people and kids coming to my house all at the same time was overwhelming for me. Even now I don't know how I got through that day. I can handle two or three families at the same time. Not more. Unless I host a party outside at the park or at a venue. Cooking for every one and keeping the house clean and getting all the "vethlaipakku" (goody bags) ready, all while managing the kids and house alone seemed so overwhelming, especially after I decided to send out an evite to people. I thought to myself, "What did I just do? This means I have to go ahead with it! The invite has been sent out to a whole bunch of people!". Well, somehow I did it and it went well. Running to Lowes two days before the Golu and measuring out planks and drawing a picture of what I wanted, setting up the planks and arranging all the bommais (what ever few I had) and getting the kids involved in the process. It was hectic but it was a lot of fun.
The only part I still don't feel good about is the immense waste when it comes to giving little goody bags to the moms and the kids. I just feel like it is such a big waste. Even when I go to all my friend's houses for their golu, I just collect a whole bunch of those bags in the car. When I get home I just unpack all of them and half the items are little curio items which I don't know what to do with. Some items like little containers etc are fine, I can use them, but I seriously don't need them. I am trying to figure out a better alternative for next year. It may not be the best alternative but something I that doesn't make me feel bad. There were little memorable moments - which would have been fun to write about had I written this post earlier. For example, KG looked at the "wedding set" of dolls and asked me about it and commented earnestly, "Mamma, why does this guy look like an alien?". These were miniature hand made dolls that were delightfully crafted and dressed up in colorful tiny pieces of fabric. I really enjoyed going to people's houses with KG. She learned a bunch of bhajans from me and I realized that she is totally into singing and seems to have a talent for it. I hope she gets a good teacher and learns it well.
Next post - on KG's school change (she changed schools from last year, went to the new school for one month in Sep and again changed to another school from October).
Let me start with short updates. For any one interested that is - including me - reading this probably a few years later may be. I decided at the last minute to keep "golu" for Navaratri this time around. I always hesitated because the thought of a whole bunch of people and kids coming to my house all at the same time was overwhelming for me. Even now I don't know how I got through that day. I can handle two or three families at the same time. Not more. Unless I host a party outside at the park or at a venue. Cooking for every one and keeping the house clean and getting all the "vethlaipakku" (goody bags) ready, all while managing the kids and house alone seemed so overwhelming, especially after I decided to send out an evite to people. I thought to myself, "What did I just do? This means I have to go ahead with it! The invite has been sent out to a whole bunch of people!". Well, somehow I did it and it went well. Running to Lowes two days before the Golu and measuring out planks and drawing a picture of what I wanted, setting up the planks and arranging all the bommais (what ever few I had) and getting the kids involved in the process. It was hectic but it was a lot of fun.
The only part I still don't feel good about is the immense waste when it comes to giving little goody bags to the moms and the kids. I just feel like it is such a big waste. Even when I go to all my friend's houses for their golu, I just collect a whole bunch of those bags in the car. When I get home I just unpack all of them and half the items are little curio items which I don't know what to do with. Some items like little containers etc are fine, I can use them, but I seriously don't need them. I am trying to figure out a better alternative for next year. It may not be the best alternative but something I that doesn't make me feel bad. There were little memorable moments - which would have been fun to write about had I written this post earlier. For example, KG looked at the "wedding set" of dolls and asked me about it and commented earnestly, "Mamma, why does this guy look like an alien?". These were miniature hand made dolls that were delightfully crafted and dressed up in colorful tiny pieces of fabric. I really enjoyed going to people's houses with KG. She learned a bunch of bhajans from me and I realized that she is totally into singing and seems to have a talent for it. I hope she gets a good teacher and learns it well.
Next post - on KG's school change (she changed schools from last year, went to the new school for one month in Sep and again changed to another school from October).
Monday, October 17, 2011
Inspiring..
I have written so many little posts in my head since the last time I posted here. But I have not managed to type it up and actually post it in this space. I will hopefully get back to writing again soon. In the meanwhile, here is a video/interview I saw recently which I was so moved by. It is always inspiring when you come across people who win against all odds because of sheer will and hard work. To think that this person was working in a farm, toiling in the sun and didn't know a word of English and is now being interviewed by so many people and has treated so many patients in one of the most prestigious hospitals in the world...sometimes I feel I see that higher power that we call God in these forms. There is some higher power at work and it protects, lifts and carries the person through to a destination above the ordinary considering the odds. I hope you are able to spare the one hour to watch this video. It is something our kids (when they are say in 5th grade or so) should watch to get inspired.
http://www.q-and-a.org/
Enjoy!
http://www.q-and-a.org/
Enjoy!
Monday, September 19, 2011
When you thought I wasn't looking...
I read this in a billboard some place and I enjoyed it. It's so true how children pick up so much from the things that we don't even realize they are observing, imbibing and learning as they see it happen.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Author: Unknown
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator,
and I wanted to paint another one.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you feed a stray cat,
and I thought it was good to be kind to animals.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you make my favorite cake for me,
and I knew that little things are special things.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I heard you say a prayer,
and I believed that there was a God to talk to.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I felt you kiss me goodnight,
and I felt loved.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw tears come from your eyes,
and I learned that sometimes things hurt,
but it's alright to cry.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw that you cared,
and I wanted to be everything that I could be.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I looked....
and I wanted to say thanks for all the things
I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.
I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator,
and I wanted to paint another one.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you feed a stray cat,
and I thought it was good to be kind to animals.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you make my favorite cake for me,
and I knew that little things are special things.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I heard you say a prayer,
and I believed that there was a God to talk to.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I felt you kiss me goodnight,
and I felt loved.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw tears come from your eyes,
and I learned that sometimes things hurt,
but it's alright to cry.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw that you cared,
and I wanted to be everything that I could be.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I looked....
and I wanted to say thanks for all the things
I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.
Monday, September 12, 2011
9/11 conversation between six year olds
We went to the local park last evening where KB's friend also joined us. There was a small gathering of people for a 9/11 memorial speech. Police officers were standing around in the periphery. I had talked to KB about 9/11 that morning. I happened to over hear the conversation between KB and his friend.
KB: You know S, ten years back, some bad guys came in a plane and knocked down two towers by ramming the plane into the towers. Lots of people died because of that.
S: Oh!
KB: Yeah, and now they have made a big water fall in that spot to remember all the people that died. And they have built another humongous tower next to it. It is 1776 feet tall.
S: Is this real life stuff?
It was such an innocent and simple line from his friend. But it is so true. The insanity of such terrorist acts makes you really think, "Could this be happening in real life?". It has to be the stuff of violent comic books. Not real life. I hope some day in the future that becomes a reality - that such things do not happen in real life.
KB: You know S, ten years back, some bad guys came in a plane and knocked down two towers by ramming the plane into the towers. Lots of people died because of that.
S: Oh!
KB: Yeah, and now they have made a big water fall in that spot to remember all the people that died. And they have built another humongous tower next to it. It is 1776 feet tall.
S: Is this real life stuff?
It was such an innocent and simple line from his friend. But it is so true. The insanity of such terrorist acts makes you really think, "Could this be happening in real life?". It has to be the stuff of violent comic books. Not real life. I hope some day in the future that becomes a reality - that such things do not happen in real life.
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
New schools for KB and KG
The new academic year has begun! Summer holidays are over! Sigh! I did have a good time with the kids at home and not having to rush to school in the mornings but I think now we are all ready for school in a way. I have renewed admiration for homeschooling parents now! How do they manage to instill discipline in their children and make sure they go through the curriculum and more while the kids are home all the time with them!
KB is starting first grade in a different school. He did not get into first grade at the school he was in because they changed it to a lottery system in the middle of the year and he did not get it in the lottery. Just couple of days back they called and told me that he did get a spot from being on the wait list in the lottery line but at that point I was not interested because KB was mentally prepared to join the new school. His best friend is going to be in the same class, so he is very excited about it. School starts tomorrow! At least I have one friend (mom) who will come to the same school. I know there are a couple of ultra competitive Indian moms in this class who ask a lot of questions and even ask exactly what grades your child got (in KG that too) in the report card. I have to find ways to avoid those types because they really do irritate me and somewhat stress me out. I lucked out for KB's Kindergarten because at least no one was explicitly so competitive with their kids/comparing etc. I feel like I am the one going to school with every passing year!
KB was sick with his usual Bronchitis type coughing on Monday night. I was so worried that we would end up in ER but thankfully we got through the night. I made a donation to one of the organizations in India as a mark of my thanks for us getting through the night without having to rush to ER. Every time KB starts coughing that deep cough, I just dread it. The poor kid goes into these spasms of coughing until he throws up a lot of mucus and only then can he sleep for a few hours. And in the process his stomach muscles hurt. I gave him ginger with honey twice that morning and he kept drinking a lot of water. God knows what helped or didn't help, at least thankfully the next morning he woke up feeling much better. I was so relieved when he ate his breakfast without having to throw up because the previous night he could not eat a bite of his dinner. I have ordered an Oximeter to keep track of his Oxygen levels during such episodes to know if it is serious enough to go to ER or not.
I changed schools for KG also because for the same money I was able to get her to go four full days and that way I could pick up KB and then go and pick KG back to back. In the old school she could only go half a day for the same money. KG has joined a Montessori school this time around. I don't know if this is a good Montessori or not - I just don't know how to judge if I can't volunteer in the class or observe from outside. I am just going by the recommendation of two of my friends who seemed to have liked it. I feel bad for KG because she is really missing her friends (not close but at least she considered them friends). She had lost a puzzle piece the second day of school and she started crying the moment she saw me because she was afraid the teachers might be mad at her. The next day again she cried because one of the girls told her that she would not show her stamp to her. Today she says two kids said they did not want to sit next to her - but she did not cry about it. Also, she is very stressed out about having to clean her lunch mat with a sponge. I don't know why that is so stressful for her. She knows how to do it but somehow she keeps talking about it. I am praying she adjusts well and makes one or two friends because right now she seems to not be having fun. But at least she does not cry and also she seems to enjoy doing puzzles and some of the pouring activities there. Keeping fingers crossed.
Well, more updates on the new schools once they settle in! How has your new school year been so far? For the ones who have already started school. Eager to know!
KB is starting first grade in a different school. He did not get into first grade at the school he was in because they changed it to a lottery system in the middle of the year and he did not get it in the lottery. Just couple of days back they called and told me that he did get a spot from being on the wait list in the lottery line but at that point I was not interested because KB was mentally prepared to join the new school. His best friend is going to be in the same class, so he is very excited about it. School starts tomorrow! At least I have one friend (mom) who will come to the same school. I know there are a couple of ultra competitive Indian moms in this class who ask a lot of questions and even ask exactly what grades your child got (in KG that too) in the report card. I have to find ways to avoid those types because they really do irritate me and somewhat stress me out. I lucked out for KB's Kindergarten because at least no one was explicitly so competitive with their kids/comparing etc. I feel like I am the one going to school with every passing year!
KB was sick with his usual Bronchitis type coughing on Monday night. I was so worried that we would end up in ER but thankfully we got through the night. I made a donation to one of the organizations in India as a mark of my thanks for us getting through the night without having to rush to ER. Every time KB starts coughing that deep cough, I just dread it. The poor kid goes into these spasms of coughing until he throws up a lot of mucus and only then can he sleep for a few hours. And in the process his stomach muscles hurt. I gave him ginger with honey twice that morning and he kept drinking a lot of water. God knows what helped or didn't help, at least thankfully the next morning he woke up feeling much better. I was so relieved when he ate his breakfast without having to throw up because the previous night he could not eat a bite of his dinner. I have ordered an Oximeter to keep track of his Oxygen levels during such episodes to know if it is serious enough to go to ER or not.
I changed schools for KG also because for the same money I was able to get her to go four full days and that way I could pick up KB and then go and pick KG back to back. In the old school she could only go half a day for the same money. KG has joined a Montessori school this time around. I don't know if this is a good Montessori or not - I just don't know how to judge if I can't volunteer in the class or observe from outside. I am just going by the recommendation of two of my friends who seemed to have liked it. I feel bad for KG because she is really missing her friends (not close but at least she considered them friends). She had lost a puzzle piece the second day of school and she started crying the moment she saw me because she was afraid the teachers might be mad at her. The next day again she cried because one of the girls told her that she would not show her stamp to her. Today she says two kids said they did not want to sit next to her - but she did not cry about it. Also, she is very stressed out about having to clean her lunch mat with a sponge. I don't know why that is so stressful for her. She knows how to do it but somehow she keeps talking about it. I am praying she adjusts well and makes one or two friends because right now she seems to not be having fun. But at least she does not cry and also she seems to enjoy doing puzzles and some of the pouring activities there. Keeping fingers crossed.
Well, more updates on the new schools once they settle in! How has your new school year been so far? For the ones who have already started school. Eager to know!
Monday, August 22, 2011
La di da
KG, my four old daughter, is just the opposite on KB in so many ways. In all the ways that he is serious, she is totally carefree. We call him "Thatha" and call her "Kuttima" or "Titapapa (sister papa)". It is a joy for us to see her be so carefree and just enjoy the present moment.
KB has a sweet tooth more than any of us in the family. She loves ice cream and loves chocolate chip cookies. I never had to deal with rationing it for KB because he will not eat those even if I offered it to him. But my dear KG, she can spot a tiny little picture of an ice cream cone in some corner of the zoo or aquarium when we go and immediately turn to me with bright eyes and say, "Mamma, what is that picture? Are you going to get me ice-cream?". One day at home, I gave her a Haggen-daaz choco-bar even without her asking for it just to surprise her. The next day around the same time, she asked me for one.
Me: KG, you can't have ice-cream everyday.
KG: Why not Mamma?
Me: It's not healthy to eat ice-cream everyday. You will become fat and then you won't be able to move around fast and you won't be able to swim well (since she had just started her swim lessons, I just randomly said that).
KG: That's OK. My teacher can just push me in the water!
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Another conversation pointing to her la di da nature. It's bedtime and I am lying next to her and just listening to the music.
KG: Mamma, I wish I could sleep all the time. I like to sleep. It's fun!
Yes, of course, my dear! It is fun to just listen to music and go to sleep!
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After eating three chocolate chip cookies she stormed into the kitchen in the middle of her playing and said to me:
"Mamma, you know I am going to stop eating chocolates"
Me: Really? Why?
KG: Because it is bad for me. Bacteria will make holes in my teeth. No more chocolate chip cookies OK. One last one and then no more!
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Me: KG, please remember to close the back yard door after you finish playing. I lock it and then you open it when we are leaving and I don't even know you have opened it. What if a robber comes and steals your toys?
KG: Then I will just look at him like this (makes an angry face) and shout at him and say "Don't steal my toys!! OKKK!!!"
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KB has a sweet tooth more than any of us in the family. She loves ice cream and loves chocolate chip cookies. I never had to deal with rationing it for KB because he will not eat those even if I offered it to him. But my dear KG, she can spot a tiny little picture of an ice cream cone in some corner of the zoo or aquarium when we go and immediately turn to me with bright eyes and say, "Mamma, what is that picture? Are you going to get me ice-cream?". One day at home, I gave her a Haggen-daaz choco-bar even without her asking for it just to surprise her. The next day around the same time, she asked me for one.
Me: KG, you can't have ice-cream everyday.
KG: Why not Mamma?
Me: It's not healthy to eat ice-cream everyday. You will become fat and then you won't be able to move around fast and you won't be able to swim well (since she had just started her swim lessons, I just randomly said that).
KG: That's OK. My teacher can just push me in the water!
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Another conversation pointing to her la di da nature. It's bedtime and I am lying next to her and just listening to the music.
KG: Mamma, I wish I could sleep all the time. I like to sleep. It's fun!
Yes, of course, my dear! It is fun to just listen to music and go to sleep!
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After eating three chocolate chip cookies she stormed into the kitchen in the middle of her playing and said to me:
"Mamma, you know I am going to stop eating chocolates"
Me: Really? Why?
KG: Because it is bad for me. Bacteria will make holes in my teeth. No more chocolate chip cookies OK. One last one and then no more!
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Me: KG, please remember to close the back yard door after you finish playing. I lock it and then you open it when we are leaving and I don't even know you have opened it. What if a robber comes and steals your toys?
KG: Then I will just look at him like this (makes an angry face) and shout at him and say "Don't steal my toys!! OKKK!!!"
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Saturday, August 20, 2011
Questions for the day...
A couple of days back I had struck a bargain with KB that if he let me skip the evening park visit, they can do water play in the back yard even though the sun had gone down and it was getting cooler. I was just not in a mood to go to the park after taking KG for swimming early in the morning, KB for his swim lesson late morning, KB for his basket ball class and stopping at the library. They got to do some water play in the yard and later played with bubbles using different bubble sticks I had bought from Micheals.
This morning suddenly KB asked his dad, "Daddy, how come what ever shape I blow the bubbles through, it always comes out as a sphere?". His dad then explained to him the principle of least energy etc in simple terms and KB kept asking "How come it doesn't ever come out as a triangle or a square?" etc until he could kind of grasp the idea of why it would form a sphere.
He later was playing ball in the park and again the issue of gravity started to gnaw at his brain cells I think. He asked B, "Daddy, why does the ball get pulled down by gravity but still it bounces up instead of getting stuck down?".
Newton Sir, please, could you just come in KB's dreams and clarify all matters of gravity?!
P.S - leave you with this article on parenting! Read this and wondered which camp I belong to!
This morning suddenly KB asked his dad, "Daddy, how come what ever shape I blow the bubbles through, it always comes out as a sphere?". His dad then explained to him the principle of least energy etc in simple terms and KB kept asking "How come it doesn't ever come out as a triangle or a square?" etc until he could kind of grasp the idea of why it would form a sphere.
He later was playing ball in the park and again the issue of gravity started to gnaw at his brain cells I think. He asked B, "Daddy, why does the ball get pulled down by gravity but still it bounces up instead of getting stuck down?".
Newton Sir, please, could you just come in KB's dreams and clarify all matters of gravity?!
P.S - leave you with this article on parenting! Read this and wondered which camp I belong to!
Friday, August 19, 2011
Swim tales update...
Few weeks back I had written about KB's swim tales (woes). From that time, I took KB to swim lessons every week day and some Saturdays. No class on Sundays. It was a lot of fun for both kids because they just loved being in the water. I needed to make the most of the summer time since this teacher gives private lessons only in outdoor pools.
I am happy that going to class consistently has paid off. KB is now able to swim the full length of the pool with free style strokes and rolling over or turning to his side between strokes. He is learning back stroke now. Am hoping before school reopens he will be able to do both free style and back stroke with ease. Phew!
I am happy that going to class consistently has paid off. KB is now able to swim the full length of the pool with free style strokes and rolling over or turning to his side between strokes. He is learning back stroke now. Am hoping before school reopens he will be able to do both free style and back stroke with ease. Phew!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Baingan not bartha
I make this quick fix baingan dish sometimes when I feel like having eggplant subzi. It is not really super quick because you still have to cut all the vegetables but it is faster than roasting baingan and peeling the skin etc. Somehow I find this dish easier to make than the traditional baingan bartha. No grinding, no powders.
This is how I make it.
I cut eggplant with the skin into small cubes. It doesn't have to be super tiny - just reasonably small cubes. I use any kind of eggplant I have at hand. Even the long Japanese ones are fine. To this I add 3 or 4 tomatoes (medium size pieces). Lots of ginger. 2 or 3 bell papers chopped into small cubes. Once I add these, I mix it up with salt and turmeric. I pressure cook this with very little water. Just enough to cook it all.
While it is cooking, I heat oil in a kadai and add a tiny bit of jeera and saute onions and keep it ready. Then I add the pressure cooked vegetables and mix it with the onions and let it cook in the oil. Once it is done, I add a lot of finely copped coriander and keep it covered in the steam for a while. It tastes really good and it gets done pretty fast.
This dish is easy on days when I know we will be going to the park in the evening and I will not have much time to cook when I get back. I just pressure cook the stuff and keep it ready. When I get back I just have to saute onions and then I add this and fresh subzi is ready in minutes. If I chop the eggplant into small pieces, it gets cooked well and it tastes kind of like baingan bartha to me even if it is not the authentic one! If any of you try this recipe, do let me know how it turned out!
Added later: Oops - sorry - I forgot to add one more (key in my opinion) ingredient I add - green chillies. I add 4 or 5 green chillies finely chopped to make it spicy. I assume you would have spiced it up your own way though I did not mention it.
This is how I make it.
I cut eggplant with the skin into small cubes. It doesn't have to be super tiny - just reasonably small cubes. I use any kind of eggplant I have at hand. Even the long Japanese ones are fine. To this I add 3 or 4 tomatoes (medium size pieces). Lots of ginger. 2 or 3 bell papers chopped into small cubes. Once I add these, I mix it up with salt and turmeric. I pressure cook this with very little water. Just enough to cook it all.
While it is cooking, I heat oil in a kadai and add a tiny bit of jeera and saute onions and keep it ready. Then I add the pressure cooked vegetables and mix it with the onions and let it cook in the oil. Once it is done, I add a lot of finely copped coriander and keep it covered in the steam for a while. It tastes really good and it gets done pretty fast.
This dish is easy on days when I know we will be going to the park in the evening and I will not have much time to cook when I get back. I just pressure cook the stuff and keep it ready. When I get back I just have to saute onions and then I add this and fresh subzi is ready in minutes. If I chop the eggplant into small pieces, it gets cooked well and it tastes kind of like baingan bartha to me even if it is not the authentic one! If any of you try this recipe, do let me know how it turned out!
Added later: Oops - sorry - I forgot to add one more (key in my opinion) ingredient I add - green chillies. I add 4 or 5 green chillies finely chopped to make it spicy. I assume you would have spiced it up your own way though I did not mention it.
Saturday, August 06, 2011
KB turns six
A quick note before I start this post - if you read me, please could you delurk and say hi in the comments?!
KB - kutti boy - is what I call him in this blog centered mostly around KB and KG. But I feel as if I should be changing the name to older brother and younger sister for the two of them. KB is six! I cannot believe it. I still remember all the moments I had as a first time mother trying to deal with my post delivery issues, nursing issues, getting KB to sleep through the night etc. And all of a sudden now I am able to have conversations with him about so many different things - Calvin & Hobbes, human race evolution, symbiotic relationships and what not. How did time go by so fast?!
KB has given me so much in terms of new experiences as a mother. But the thing that tops it all is this - knowing what it is to love a human being completely, whole heartedly, to wish only the very best without a doubt and feel only joy for that person's every little success. I feel like that feeling is so powerful within me and I don't think I have ever had it that way for any one else before KB and KG came along. Even with a spouse, it is peppered with ego issues that crop up and muddle it. Even with my parents it is sometimes not as clear because of feelings of what they could have done differently. It is only when KB came along that I realized what an exhilarating and liberating feeling it can be to feel sure of the love you feel for someone. I don't know how this might feel later when they grow up and may be then it won't feel so unconditional, I am not sure. But for now I just feel like motherhood is worth it just to experience that kind of pure love.
KB has always been a sort of deep thinker. One can almost see thoughts floating through his head as he sits in his spot or just lies down in one corner of the couch quietly for even 10 or 15 minutes sometimes. Like a cat, sometimes he likes to lie down in the corner of the couch where the sun is shining brightly and think about some random thing or the other. He was always a talker and continues to be that way. He gives lengthy explanations for any question I ask him. Since he is our first child, we had no gauge for how much they talk or not at any particular age. He used to recite big twenty page books verbatim back to me at age two and half and we thought that was normal. It is only when KG came along and I saw how she cannot even recite one page back to me at age four that I realized that he was verbally ahead of his age. He tested as advanced when he did the language testing for non native English speakers before he started Kindergarten.
I think back to the time he started preschool and the struggles he and I went through in getting him to be away from me at preschool. After a month of struggling with his loud crying, the director finally told me that they could not handle it and that I had to train him at home and bring him back. I finally changed him to a city preschool program and then to another small school for pre-K. I was so nervous as to how he would cope with the eating part of it when he started Kindergarten. But he managed the longer hours and the stricter school environment fine. He laughs and plays silly at home all the time with his little sister but I heard from his teacher that he is pretty serious at school. I can't figure out why or if it is just the way he is when she is around. Because he laughs a lot with some of his friends at school when he meets them outside of school. I could see that he had devised his own ways of dealing with the aggressive kids. He either gave them a chance and played along by their rules for a couple of times or just walked away from the game and found others to play with for that period. By the end of the year, he learned to tell the bossy kid, "Hey, you are not my boss. I can do it the way I want to do it". I felt proud of him for that but sometimes my heart aches that he is naturally so gentle and good-natured that he has to learn to be aggressive...and when I see glimpses of that learned behavior, I feel bad he can just be the way he is naturally.
KB was/is the picky eater amongst the two kids. But he eats his meals completely on his own and has been doing so for over a year now. I never thought that day would come and now it seems so the norm. I can't believe it is the same kid I used to spend one hour per meal feeding with a spoon and reading books to distract him and what not. I still have to read books to him when he eats, not something pediatricians approve of, but I just do it.
I faced some amount of peer pressure when he was four to a)put him in a Montessori school where he would have gotten more academic learning b) to put him in Kumon classes for reading and math. I am happy that I went with my instincts and put him in a school where he felt comfortable and secure even though it was not a Montessori school. I am also glad I did not waste my money and time on Kumon lessons for him because the way he learns, he would have gone through the motions of it out of a sense of wanting to please me may be, but he would have been mindlessly bored. As much as he can, he prefers to do all his math problems mentally now and I don't know how he would have coped with pages and pages of drilling. I used to wonder if he would like Math or not because he was so into books and telling us stories and he used to talk so much about how he would be a director and who he would cast as a particular character when he makes his movie etc. We always joked that he was going to go into the movies (which I don't want really). In the last few months though he has shown a natural inclination for Math and seems to enjoy it as well. He is doing all kinds of arithmetic problems and word problems in addition, subtraction, multiplication and division, and he does fractions, negative numbers, simple equations, measurement, time and money problems. He is now mostly doing second and third grade and some fourth grade work sheets I print out from the internet. I am sometimes conflicted if I should even give him those kind of worksheets to do at home because when he starts first grade he won't have the fun of challenging problems. And I notice that despite finding simple arithmetic problems very easy at this point, he still makes mistakes on those because he wants to do it all mentally and problems like 10 + 12, he reads quickly as 10 - 12 and writes the answer as -2. He enjoys it most when I read to him but he reads simple books as well as chapter books and great illustrated classics kind of books. I have to wait and see how it goes in first grade. I just hope he does not get too bored because the curriculum here is not very challenging unless the teacher herself notices that a child needs more challenge and puts in some effort in that direction. The times I spend teaching him Math or reading about science to him are so fulfilling because he takes it all in like a sponge. All kids at this age are that way, not to single him out. But as a parent, it is rewarding to see the connections being made and the understanding showing in his face. I have taught courses as a teaching assistant when I was in graduate school but I never felt the kind of joy I feel now teaching KB all kinds of things and learning along with him. Sometimes I feel tempted to become a kindergarten teacher because it is the beginning of their academic career and it is joyful to see them blossom. But I know I don't have the patience for a whole group of kids day after day.
KB seems to prefer non-fiction books to fiction, that's what his teacher also told me. But once he gets started on story books he gets totally into it. Although when it comes to us reading to him, he loves it when we read him stories. He does watch TV every day in the summer during lunch time but he is good about not watching TV later. He is not too much into computer games. His favorite TV shows currently are Magic school bus, Word girl and Wild Kratts. He just loves nature and learning about nature. He started going to basket ball class this summer and is totally into the game. True to his nature he has delved deep into it and plays it often in the backyard. He has been reading all sorts of NBA books about the greatest basketball players and remembers all kinds of stats about players. This year he has moved on from his Diego/Rhinoceres Beetle back pack to a Koby Bryant backpack for school!
KB has made me feel the joy of learning all over again. With him to give me company, I am beginning to appreciate nature in a whole new way. To appreciate the bugs and the lizards as much as the majestic tigers and lions. When I go to the zoo now and see an Echidna or when I happen to see the photo of a Draco lizard, I look at it with so much excitement because I can talk to KB about why the Echidna is a mammal misfit (lays eggs) or what is amazing about the Draco lizard (movable ribs it uses to spread out like wings and glide from tree to tree) . And he talks to me about it with such joy. I feel so thankful for having another opportunity to learn things along with him. When he asks me things like, "Mamma, how does an eraser really wipe off pencil marks?", it makes me pause and think about simple things in front of me. I gave him an answer then but not as precisely as I did after I looked it up later. (BTW - this is the answer from the internet - Erasers pick up graphite particles, thus removing them from the surface of the paper. Basically, the molecules in erasers are 'stickier' than the paper, so when the eraser is rubbed onto the pencil mark, the graphite sticks to the eraser preferentially over the paper.).
KB still struggles with his nightmares but it has become a lot better. He had regressed a lot in his swimming but in the last two and half weeks he has progressed a lot. His swim teacher says he will be ready for participating in swim meets next summer. I think I will be in tears if he did that because he would gotten there from overcoming his anxiety this year (He had no fear of water really and did well last year. Somehow the teacher did not work out for him this year and he became more scared of going to the deep end) and working really hard and learning it. It is not something that comes to him as naturally as it seems to for KG. She has no fear when it comes to swimming and that makes it so much easier for her.
I have written about the things he does and about his personality etc for his sixth birthday post because I am sure I will find it very interesting to read this post next year. I always keep praying for his good health. Sometimes when he cries for ten minutes or so in a half asleep state when he has nightmares, I get the shivers and I feel as if it is only divine grace that made me escape his having any issues that some super intense kids have. I just hope and pray at least this year we escape any ER visits for him (and for KG) from his coughing this year.
KB is moving to a different school for first grade. I hope he settles down easily in the new environment. I am sure it will be very interesting to see him grow and learn and understand the world around him more deeply.
Wish you the very best, my sweet little KB!
KB - kutti boy - is what I call him in this blog centered mostly around KB and KG. But I feel as if I should be changing the name to older brother and younger sister for the two of them. KB is six! I cannot believe it. I still remember all the moments I had as a first time mother trying to deal with my post delivery issues, nursing issues, getting KB to sleep through the night etc. And all of a sudden now I am able to have conversations with him about so many different things - Calvin & Hobbes, human race evolution, symbiotic relationships and what not. How did time go by so fast?!
KB has given me so much in terms of new experiences as a mother. But the thing that tops it all is this - knowing what it is to love a human being completely, whole heartedly, to wish only the very best without a doubt and feel only joy for that person's every little success. I feel like that feeling is so powerful within me and I don't think I have ever had it that way for any one else before KB and KG came along. Even with a spouse, it is peppered with ego issues that crop up and muddle it. Even with my parents it is sometimes not as clear because of feelings of what they could have done differently. It is only when KB came along that I realized what an exhilarating and liberating feeling it can be to feel sure of the love you feel for someone. I don't know how this might feel later when they grow up and may be then it won't feel so unconditional, I am not sure. But for now I just feel like motherhood is worth it just to experience that kind of pure love.
KB has always been a sort of deep thinker. One can almost see thoughts floating through his head as he sits in his spot or just lies down in one corner of the couch quietly for even 10 or 15 minutes sometimes. Like a cat, sometimes he likes to lie down in the corner of the couch where the sun is shining brightly and think about some random thing or the other. He was always a talker and continues to be that way. He gives lengthy explanations for any question I ask him. Since he is our first child, we had no gauge for how much they talk or not at any particular age. He used to recite big twenty page books verbatim back to me at age two and half and we thought that was normal. It is only when KG came along and I saw how she cannot even recite one page back to me at age four that I realized that he was verbally ahead of his age. He tested as advanced when he did the language testing for non native English speakers before he started Kindergarten.
I think back to the time he started preschool and the struggles he and I went through in getting him to be away from me at preschool. After a month of struggling with his loud crying, the director finally told me that they could not handle it and that I had to train him at home and bring him back. I finally changed him to a city preschool program and then to another small school for pre-K. I was so nervous as to how he would cope with the eating part of it when he started Kindergarten. But he managed the longer hours and the stricter school environment fine. He laughs and plays silly at home all the time with his little sister but I heard from his teacher that he is pretty serious at school. I can't figure out why or if it is just the way he is when she is around. Because he laughs a lot with some of his friends at school when he meets them outside of school. I could see that he had devised his own ways of dealing with the aggressive kids. He either gave them a chance and played along by their rules for a couple of times or just walked away from the game and found others to play with for that period. By the end of the year, he learned to tell the bossy kid, "Hey, you are not my boss. I can do it the way I want to do it". I felt proud of him for that but sometimes my heart aches that he is naturally so gentle and good-natured that he has to learn to be aggressive...and when I see glimpses of that learned behavior, I feel bad he can just be the way he is naturally.
KB was/is the picky eater amongst the two kids. But he eats his meals completely on his own and has been doing so for over a year now. I never thought that day would come and now it seems so the norm. I can't believe it is the same kid I used to spend one hour per meal feeding with a spoon and reading books to distract him and what not. I still have to read books to him when he eats, not something pediatricians approve of, but I just do it.
I faced some amount of peer pressure when he was four to a)put him in a Montessori school where he would have gotten more academic learning b) to put him in Kumon classes for reading and math. I am happy that I went with my instincts and put him in a school where he felt comfortable and secure even though it was not a Montessori school. I am also glad I did not waste my money and time on Kumon lessons for him because the way he learns, he would have gone through the motions of it out of a sense of wanting to please me may be, but he would have been mindlessly bored. As much as he can, he prefers to do all his math problems mentally now and I don't know how he would have coped with pages and pages of drilling. I used to wonder if he would like Math or not because he was so into books and telling us stories and he used to talk so much about how he would be a director and who he would cast as a particular character when he makes his movie etc. We always joked that he was going to go into the movies (which I don't want really). In the last few months though he has shown a natural inclination for Math and seems to enjoy it as well. He is doing all kinds of arithmetic problems and word problems in addition, subtraction, multiplication and division, and he does fractions, negative numbers, simple equations, measurement, time and money problems. He is now mostly doing second and third grade and some fourth grade work sheets I print out from the internet. I am sometimes conflicted if I should even give him those kind of worksheets to do at home because when he starts first grade he won't have the fun of challenging problems. And I notice that despite finding simple arithmetic problems very easy at this point, he still makes mistakes on those because he wants to do it all mentally and problems like 10 + 12, he reads quickly as 10 - 12 and writes the answer as -2. He enjoys it most when I read to him but he reads simple books as well as chapter books and great illustrated classics kind of books. I have to wait and see how it goes in first grade. I just hope he does not get too bored because the curriculum here is not very challenging unless the teacher herself notices that a child needs more challenge and puts in some effort in that direction. The times I spend teaching him Math or reading about science to him are so fulfilling because he takes it all in like a sponge. All kids at this age are that way, not to single him out. But as a parent, it is rewarding to see the connections being made and the understanding showing in his face. I have taught courses as a teaching assistant when I was in graduate school but I never felt the kind of joy I feel now teaching KB all kinds of things and learning along with him. Sometimes I feel tempted to become a kindergarten teacher because it is the beginning of their academic career and it is joyful to see them blossom. But I know I don't have the patience for a whole group of kids day after day.
KB seems to prefer non-fiction books to fiction, that's what his teacher also told me. But once he gets started on story books he gets totally into it. Although when it comes to us reading to him, he loves it when we read him stories. He does watch TV every day in the summer during lunch time but he is good about not watching TV later. He is not too much into computer games. His favorite TV shows currently are Magic school bus, Word girl and Wild Kratts. He just loves nature and learning about nature. He started going to basket ball class this summer and is totally into the game. True to his nature he has delved deep into it and plays it often in the backyard. He has been reading all sorts of NBA books about the greatest basketball players and remembers all kinds of stats about players. This year he has moved on from his Diego/Rhinoceres Beetle back pack to a Koby Bryant backpack for school!
KB has made me feel the joy of learning all over again. With him to give me company, I am beginning to appreciate nature in a whole new way. To appreciate the bugs and the lizards as much as the majestic tigers and lions. When I go to the zoo now and see an Echidna or when I happen to see the photo of a Draco lizard, I look at it with so much excitement because I can talk to KB about why the Echidna is a mammal misfit (lays eggs) or what is amazing about the Draco lizard (movable ribs it uses to spread out like wings and glide from tree to tree) . And he talks to me about it with such joy. I feel so thankful for having another opportunity to learn things along with him. When he asks me things like, "Mamma, how does an eraser really wipe off pencil marks?", it makes me pause and think about simple things in front of me. I gave him an answer then but not as precisely as I did after I looked it up later. (BTW - this is the answer from the internet - Erasers pick up graphite particles, thus removing them from the surface of the paper. Basically, the molecules in erasers are 'stickier' than the paper, so when the eraser is rubbed onto the pencil mark, the graphite sticks to the eraser preferentially over the paper.).
KB still struggles with his nightmares but it has become a lot better. He had regressed a lot in his swimming but in the last two and half weeks he has progressed a lot. His swim teacher says he will be ready for participating in swim meets next summer. I think I will be in tears if he did that because he would gotten there from overcoming his anxiety this year (He had no fear of water really and did well last year. Somehow the teacher did not work out for him this year and he became more scared of going to the deep end) and working really hard and learning it. It is not something that comes to him as naturally as it seems to for KG. She has no fear when it comes to swimming and that makes it so much easier for her.
I have written about the things he does and about his personality etc for his sixth birthday post because I am sure I will find it very interesting to read this post next year. I always keep praying for his good health. Sometimes when he cries for ten minutes or so in a half asleep state when he has nightmares, I get the shivers and I feel as if it is only divine grace that made me escape his having any issues that some super intense kids have. I just hope and pray at least this year we escape any ER visits for him (and for KG) from his coughing this year.
KB is moving to a different school for first grade. I hope he settles down easily in the new environment. I am sure it will be very interesting to see him grow and learn and understand the world around him more deeply.
Wish you the very best, my sweet little KB!
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