This is a response to this post by Tharini:
Tharini – That was a great post. I was looking forward to your opinion on that topic especially since I know how much “God” means to you.
You had put time and thought into it and it was a lovely piece to read and re-read and I am sure I will do that later too. It had peaceful thoughts to calm one during moments of angst.
About your moment of transformation at your friend’s place – I am not sure if you have to be the chosen one to experience such transformation of if you consciously arrive at it through conversation. The way you have written it seems like some sublime experience that you went through that erased your doubts and brought clarity.
What about R – has he had any doubts ever? How did he resolve it?
I loved what you wrote about change. Yes we build expectations around people that it becomes claustrophobic. I completely agree with you on that. It takes a lot to turn to oneself all the time and alter our own expectations. And sometimes being nice, you just get run over. I hate that feeling. And that you are being nice is not even acknowledged sometimes. These are the times when you forget your wanting to be a good person and feel like just lashing out or just giving them a taste of their own medicine. One way I try to overcome this is when I tell myself (even if this is a silly way) is “what goes around comes around”. And that when it comes around, it may not just be me, but my children who bear the brunt of it in some situations. I tell myself that there is some justice meted out by nature itself – that the other person will, even if for a flicker of a second, know the pain they have caused another person – if not now, later. But I don’t have to be the one lashing out at that instance and making it unpleasant. I try and tell myself this when I feel hurt about some things/people/situations. But it is a balancing act – you don’t want to be a push over but you want to be graceful and nice in any situation. Hard to achieve.
About doing what feels honest. Yes, I agree. Achieving synchrony in what we do, what we think we should do, how we are as people outside and to our family is hard. My friend once told me that he wants to be the same person he is when he is in the puja room or living room or office – in the deeper sense of it.
About your NY trip: Loved how you described smiles breaking all barriers. I feel that way too. And many times when I have been down and traveling on the subway – when I was a student – I used to be so cheered up just at a random stranger being nice – just a warm smile or an acknowledgement of my presence. It just makes your day when people offer warmth. In a genuine way that is. And in simple ways.
Anbe Sivam – God what a movie. Just loved it – the spirit of the movie I mean. God being a summation of the highest virtues…yes. Very true. But, how do you love someone who hurt you? And why? I find it difficult to conceive an answer to that. Also I think many times it is because you love/care for some people that they are capable of hurting you. If you are indifferent to their existence, they cannot do anything to you. Even the hurt stems from the love. …
Ego: Don’t even get me started. Hardest to achieve. Impossible I think. I am not sure if it is ego…the need to feel accepted. The need to belong. The need to be acknowledged. To be remembered. And to be loved. It is not an arrogant ego but a gentle one that needs reassurance. But this again ties into just being human. We all want to feel connected and feel like we belong…amongst each other. I suppose this ties into your “blogging” thing. Comments make you feel like someone heard you. It is not necessarily to feed your ego. That would be if you expected them to praise you about how great your post was etc.
And here I wonder, if no one commented too, you would have still made an impact, wouldn’t you? I am thinking these thoughts for myself …
Well that could be a whole new post!
Rasa lila – Lovely, I agree completely.
And about babies being close to God – I feel that way – even if not in exactly the same terms. They are so pure and innocent – you just see god in them. At their infant stages. I feel that way when I see my infant daughter sleeping peacefully in her cradle – I feel so happy and full in the heart. And more so this time, may be because I know this is it – this is the last time I get to experience this stage of my own children. And feel the love and happiness when I see such purity in front of me.
God in many forms – Dotmom, you, me – all of us have expressed similar thoughts. We see beauty in nature, in anything creative and feel like we find God there. But when there is destruction and suffering, we fail to understand God. That is when the cynicism strikes. I wonder how one can resolve that conflict.
About rituals being the romance in the relationship –nice way to put it.
Purpose of life – the quest to know this will go on until we die I think.
After reading the poem, I still wonder who that “I” is…and I suppose that is the discussion itself and it will continue on in our lives where we find fragments of the answer in every day life….