Friday, October 26, 2007

Little things..

Small things can make you feel annoyed/upset or feel really light and happy the whole day. Just trivial things really in the big picture. More on this as I go along.

I had my aunt visiting (my mom's cousin) us for three days - it was great to see her and spend quality time with her after many years. There are some things about a person you only get to know in those tiny spaces in time when you are doing every day things while chatting. This only happens when they stay over and spend extended time - as in more than a couple of hours - visiting you. For example when you go into the room to say "Good night" and sit down for a couple of minutes but end up chatting for an hour in the dark with just the street light coming in through the blinds...that's when really interesting conversation happens. I have known her for so many years and am very close to her daughter (my second cousin, but we are more like sisters) - but I realized I did not know so many things about her. She sings so melodiously - I was so amazed that she is such a good singer and she has never once told me she could sing. Lovely Hindi and Marathi Bhajans. I did not know she had a degree in Physics, that she used to play hockey (I have only seen her in Sari!), that she sketches very well, that she can sew all kinds of clothes...my god - have I met this person before?! I was so busy being friends with my cousin - it was so great getting to know my aunt (who never talks about any of this) now!

And I got to know how much she has done for her family. She apparently took her daughter's 3.5 yr old and 3m old alone on a four hour flight to India and kept them with her for nearly a year! Managed both kids on her own (why my second cousin let that happen is a different issue)pretty much even if my uncle helped her some. I cannot imagine taking up that kind of responsibility - not just one child, but two children!

How loving she is as a person was evident in how she interacted with my children - just doted on them. What a gift it was for me - just to see her be so affectionate, so genuinely with my children. And telling me to rest, telling me to go shopping etc when she is here just so I can get a break since it was mom and her both available for kutti girl if I went out with kutti boy. Worrying as much as I did when B came home very late yesterday and I could not reach him over the phone. It just feels good when someone is genuinely affectionate - so much moral strength in that.

Edited to add - my post about how neighbor N made me feel bad about not acknowledging my mom etc made two people feel guilty already - which was not even the point of the post - it was not about returning calls but more about how not acknowledging someone, esp your mom, in certain situations makes you feel bad. But I didn't want anyone to feel guilty about anything - so deleted that part! Want to only spread the joy! :) So Aunt post this is! :)

10 comments:

Collection Of Stars said...

Hey Noon! I can relate to both - my mom's cousin visited us for a week recently and it was such a pleasure having her around and she made an extremely god playmate for my daughter :).
On the other side, we have this neighbour S whom my mother went out of her way to help during her pregnancy since she was alone. Once she had the baby and had her parents with her, my mom went to say hello and check on her. S was in the middle of a pooja and did not respond to my mom. My mom came back home but S did not even come over/call and acknowledge her visit. That hurt.

DotMom said...

Enjoy the time with your aunt. Conversations when the lights are off tend to always come from the heart!

As to friendship, I totally understand. I have a few juicy stories of my own, but sometimes I favor making a clean break.. I do hope you sort it out with her. Maaybe just ask her if she was busy etc.?

noon said...

Hi Cofs,
I know - now if someone is nice to y our children then you automatically just like them! :)
God, that's too bad about your neighbor. She could have just called - I feel like it's these small things that tell a lot about a person!

dotmom - I love those night time conversations really...
Do share your story! Makes one feel less alone in all this!
Well, I did ask her the last time...but I feel like she just doesn't get it. She just answers without apologizing and that makes it even worse.

Poppins said...

Noon, I'm not sure what to say really. Sometimes I am also lazy in returning calls. I do remember, it's not that I don't but I just never get around to it. Then as times goes by, I procrastinate even more because I feel awkward to call very late and make my excuses.

This post actually made me feel a little guilty. Good thing about your aunt though, I totally agree about the staying part, it makes ALL the difference.

noon said...

Poppins - not at all - this is not totally about not returning calls or emails of a general nature - you knwo what I mean...I do that too. I am horribly guilty of not returning calls to some people - but that is general keeping in touch sort of thing. But this is different. When it happens over and over - like what Cofs has written here - that sort of thing - when your mom goes and calls your friend and she does not even acknowledge it - it really will upset you. You know when you ought to acknowledge some things right away and when you can slack off (and that is the case between friends for casual keeping in touch calls). Like if my friend writes to me after many months and writes about her engagement, I will not wait for one month before calling or writing back to her - at least a few lines. That sort of thing...Anyway with N here, some other thing also happened of a similar nature - by now I feel like I am friends with her (she does have nice qualities) but am never going to be close...I can't be close to someone unless things of this nature are sorted out.

mnamma said...

Noon,
It is so nice to get a whole new perspective about a person who you have known all your life and still didn't know much about :) Your Aunt seems to be very very sweet! And regarding your neighbor - I completely understand the way you feel. I am usually more Black and White in my feelings and if I don't feel very comfortable it does reflect in my face and actions. If you do feel uncomfortable just minimize contacts with this person. Or talk it out with her - if that would ease your burden, but if she doesn't get it it is better to minimize contacts. At least you would be spared some hurt.

noon said...

Hi Mnamma - yes aunt is v sweet and I realized just how sweet and talented she is more so after this trip!
And about N - well if it hadn't involved my mom somehow I feel I would have been less sensitive about it - twice it had something to do with her - which somehow hurts me more. Somehow feels too petty to bring it all up. Feel like the other person should know. I don't actively minimize contact or anything because there are nice things about her also and we do get along in other ways - I don't want it to be too awkward if I bring it up etc. I am only afraid if it happens again and again then it will surely bubble over!

ddmom said...

I am on the guilty side too :( I could just copy-paste what poppin's mom said...

noon said...

DD mom - I do the exact same thing as you and Poppin - I procastinate if I dont' call someone blah blah - this is so not about that. If you read the comment from Cofs - you will see - it is a similar situation and you will also feel upset...
My response to Poppin's mom and you:
Poppins - not at all - this is not totally about not returning calls or emails of a general nature - you knwo what I mean...I do that too. I am horribly guilty of not returning calls to some people - but that is general keeping in touch sort of thing. But this is different. When it happens over and over - like what Cofs has written here - that sort of thing - when your mom goes and calls your friend and she does not even acknowledge it - it really will upset you. You know when you ought to acknowledge some things right away and when you can slack off (and that is the case between friends for casual keeping in touch calls). Like if my friend writes to me after many months and writes about her engagement, I will not wait for one month before calling or writing back to her - at least a few lines. That sort of thing...Anyway with N here, some other thing also happened of a similar nature - by now I feel like I am friends with her (she does have nice qualities) but am never going to be close...I can't be close to someone unless things of this nature are sorted out.

Thinking aloud said...

glad u got the opp to know more abt your aunt...thses times spent with them bring u memories u cherish