Thursday, July 31, 2008

KB series V: Even an angel can be high maintenance

I suppose by now you are wondering if this blog is going to be one big KB series! Well just until this coming Sunday. I decided to write about KB since I don't do monthly updates and thought it would be fun to read all this a few years later when KB is much more grown up.

I was not really planning on writing a post tonight. But reading the following comments made me want to write it:
DotThoughts said...

I throughly enjoyed reading the series. especially the bit about balloons :) He is such a great kid!! And the way you wrote about him was so full of pride and joy in being his mother. Great posts!

7/31/2008 10:07 AM

Blogger The TAAMommy said...

As much as you want to give credit to your son, 90% goes to you girl. You seem like an amazing mom with amazing patience and endless attentiveness towards your children.It is first, wonderful to hear what he is upto, and second wonderful to see you so patiently write out all these details. Thank you !!

The way I feel right now - completely exhausted mentally. And so full of worries about KB joining school this September. And feeling very guilty about how angry I was with KB this afternoon and how I yelled and fought with B this evening just because he joked about something I said to him seriously. A public acknowledgment that I am not being patient enough and it's not all joy and pride at KB all the time as the previous posts might suggest.

Things that worry me - that he is such a friendly/sociable kid - but he still has to have the "Noon" radiation (meaning mama be around) in the general vicinity or he gets flustered. He will go out with B to a shop or park but if I go out leaving him home - he gets flustered after half an hour or so. I have made the mistake of not doing this often enough. He used to be OK for a couple of hours if I left home when he was asleep. He would not cry when he woke up if he didn't find me in the house. But since KG arrived, somehow between her nursing schedule and KB's nap times etc I don't go out alone on weekends. And week days, there is hardly time to do so since B gets home around 8.15 pm.

I have been taking KB for a "Parent and Toddler" class at the school he will be attending in September. It meets once a week for two hours in the morning. I thought it would help him get familiarized with his new school. There are two rooms (for this class) connected by a hallway. One room has foam steps/slide, a wooden boat like see-saw, a tunnel etc. The other room has two round tables with little chairs, peg puzzles, a tent, a tiny little bed with little toy babies resting on it, a play kitchen etc. First ten minutes before class, they are allowed to play outside. But it gets hot and the summer school kids come to the play ground, so the PT (parent/toddler) kids have to go into the classroom. KB has no interest in painting in this class. He enjoyed it when we came to register etc because in the main campus of the school, they have the easel in the corridor and paints and paper etc set up. He just plays with the paint, enjoys it etc. But here may be because the kids are all sitting close to each other and painting - he doesn't want to do it. And even the puzzles he brings to the tunnel room and does it in no time so he really just doesn't want to do anything in the other craft room. So pretty much all the time both KB and KG want to continuously play in the tunnel room. She too has no interest in playing with toy babies or kitchen play or anything. Even blocks both kids are not interested in if they have to be in the other room. I really don't know if this means KB has no interest in craft/painting or if it's something about the room. In any case, he just hates paint getting on his fingers - even if a tiny dot falls on his fingers, he wants me to wash his hands with water! Even wiping it off is not enough. It has to be back to totally clean. Just the way my father was. Preschools here do so much art and craft work that I really hope he develops an interest in it!

The PT class has a about 10 min of snack time. Today the teacher somehow delayed it and I too had to rush KB through his breakfast that I think he became very hungry all of a sudden. He went to the craft room (where snacks are served) but couldn't spot me - since I was trying to grab KG and come to the snack room. He kept calling out for me and there were a couple of other tall moms next to him - in an instant - he got so flustered, he started crying. Until then he was this happy camper jumping up and down, being totally silly and having fun. Laughs and plays and doesn't realize he is hungry and suddenly loses all energy and just feels low. Just like me. I worry what he will do when this happens at school. He should learn to go tell the teacher he is hungry - but if he just cries for no reason it will be hard on him and the other kids in the classroom. He insisted that his hands be washed with water and soap in the classroom sink and not the outside sink. Because that is what he did the other times and for snack time he thinks he has to only wash his hands in this sink.

KB is a stickler for routine. Just like my father. Things have to be done a certain way. There was a long line for the classroom sink and he was hungry and I was holding KG. I was losing my patience at his fussiness regarding which sink. I tried hard to control my anger and asked him to come to the sink outside. This is what hunger does to him - make him unreasonable. He cried even more when I tried to get him to go outside. I was so upset and embarrassed at all this. Felt sad because his being a stickler for routine is going to come back to make it difficult on him when I am not around. I know, precisely why he is going to school. But just makes me worry. "What should I have done to make him be a little loose and relaxed when it comes to such things?", I think to myself. Things you tolerate as a mother, will not be tolerated by an outsider, especially a teacher who has many kids to attend to. I felt very tired myself from having run to school early in the morning after getting both kids ready and having had just a glass of milk for breakfast. I just felt sad that I had somehow not trained KB to be more relaxed about such things - dirt in his hands, things in place in a certain order, wetness etc.

Another high maintenance (HM) thing about KB is that he will have to wipe off his tears or if his nose is dripping with a tissue immediately. Nose, I understand. But if he is crying, he will keep asking me to wipe off his tears. And then point to his nose and say " Tissue! It's dripping!!!".. Sometimes, I spend so much time wiping off his tears and nose drip back to back that I just want to throw the tissue box out and tell him to go sulk in a corner! It's a good thing he doesn't go around with snort dripping out of his nose but he takes it to the other extreme sometimes. Tests my patience big time. I do it a few times back to back patiently. Wipe of tears, then the nose drip...back again...and then I just loose it. He did this in class this morning while waiting for the sink. I yelled at him - if you want me to keep doing this, we are going home KB!

Clean, orderly, no wetness at any point in time, routines have to be followed exactly, needs mamma around, very restless sleeper, slow eater - don't you think my dear KB, the sweet, gentle, well mannered kid is also high maintenance? I am sure you (hopefully someone will get this far in this post!) think I am making a big deal - but you have to come here and see how difficult and insistent he can be on some of these things.

So Dottie and Taamommy - It's not all pride and I too yell and scream - quite bad considering he is good in so many ways. I feel like I have so little patience. I can tolerate the work but I just cannot stand too much crying at any point in time. I need to learn to control my temper with KB when it comes to these things. It's been a long day today, am falling asleep, before I give away too much about what I screaming monster I can be at times, I better stop here for now!


Maggie said...

Wow Noon - just caught up on all your KB posts - lovely! And KB's so awesome, really. And he'll do great at school, don't worry.

Aditi's Album said...

I enjoyed reading KB series' posts every day this week. Dont worry about school. It may take a few weeks or a month, but he'll be just fine. Kids know whom to ask and what to do and have their own ways of letting people know. The first few weeks you may find yourself crying, but then you'll be so proud of him and stand back and watch your toddler grow into an independant boy. Good luck noonie.

Anonymous said...

Definitely, Kids help us understand where we lack and help us display our negativity, thus helping us to know ourselves that we are not indeed honey and golden all the time. And hence, because of them, we get into the selfdevelopment program on the deficiencies we had no idea that we had. Whatever you may be, the habits, the routines, the music that you have set up for your children are what i was seeing through out the KB series and that is done solely by you and hubby. So that cannot be taken away from you. We have so much to improve upon, no doubt, but it also helps to understand that you are not just doing the basics - a clean house, well fed and rested children but you do want to provide a rich learning cultural environment and striving towards that, every step of the way.

Girl Next Door (gnd) said...

kids know EXACTLY how and when to push our buttons. and we are human after all! and we can't always spare the rod.
T2 is the sweetest kid when she doesn't cry. if she cries all hell breaks lose. She used to find it difficult to stop.
it's definitely a million times better in the past year...but when she does start crying, she can't think straight, and neither can I!!
of late i keep telling her that She must use words and not tears.
and everytime she does that, i (all of is, in fact) applaud her like i've just been to the best concert on earth! she loves that...
also, i told her once that only monsters scream like that, and then asked her if she wants to be T2 or a monster. She promptly says "T2" and we start shooing the monster away (aka distraction)...
like u said, most times what triggers her crying is hunger or tiredness...and i get started on fixing that.
all said, i hear you about how not easy this "patience" thing is!!!

Neera said...

OK now this one I could copy paste with Vansh's name written all over ..ha so they share the tears dripping nose wiping routine too :) And I swear just yesterday I told him after having screamed like a monster when he just wouldn't stop crying - I can take everything but not crying going on and on and on.

Don't worry noonoo abt teachers not tolerating kids. U know there's a huge difference kids treat us, the moms and the teachers. They don't create such a fuss with teachers. Its only with us whom they love so dearly and trust absolutely :)
I'll be honest with u and tell u I worry abt KB too, come September when he starts pre-school because he is such a sensitive little guy. I wish him and you the best of luck. And I also know that kids do figure out ways they get around their day in scl.

Lastly I would like to complement u on putting forward all of your feelings, each one of them, in ur posts so well. I mean I have been doing the Vansh updates series too and i felt the same way as u while writing that its most of all for me when i want to read back about how my son was when he was 3 but I never thought about putting it upfront in my posts.

Delightful :)

Neera said...

What a great idea gnd applying it the next time right away!! Vansh would love it I can bet!

DotThoughts said...

all kids (and even grown ups) are cranky when we are tired or hungry. And its ok to get in the red zone once in a while. Its the moment. don't worry about the school.. if Chip can adjust, any child can. trust me. I love your posts noon. I have said it before and will say it again, there is a certain direct, honest rawness to them. They just get me!