Wednesday, September 29, 2010

One second at a time...

So much happens and time goes by in a flash...so much is going unrecorded which I am not happy about.  I do want to write more often for my sake and for my few good friends who care to read and write to me as well.
In a gist:

KB turned five in August and started kindergarten.  He seems to be enjoying his new school.  For a child who cried for a whole month when he started preschool at age three, it is quite some emotional growth to be able to drop him off in a new classroom for five hours, wave good bye and leave right on the first day.  Knock on wood.

KG started preschool.  As I expected it was quite the breeze.  We took her to her new school - a lovely warm atmosphere with tons of play and pretty much play, song and dance being the main theme there.  The teacher had set out small tubs of paint and some paper cut out to paint on.  KG sat down to paint and picked her favorite pink color.  After a few minutes of hanging out there and taking photos I said bye to KG.  She casually said "bye mamma" and continued painting.  She did hold my hand a little longer the second week when the novelty wore out but when I told her I would come later to pick her up, she just went off to play outside.

On Sep 4 morning, KB and KG were playing in the house chasing each other.  One moment we were all dancing to a music CD.  I went into the study room for a minute.  I suddenly heard a thud and crying - I ran out to look - KB was holding his left eye and blood was running down.  In panic I got him to remove his hand to check if his eye was hurt.  Thank God for big mercies the cut was in his left eyebrow.  One minute we were planning our outing for that weekend and the next minute we were driving to ER.  They had to give him a shot to numb him and then put in four stitches to seal the cut.  Five days later, I had to take him to his regular pediatrician to have the sutures removed.  It does show but not too badly.  Hopefully with time, it will be barely visible.

KB has a birth mark, a good size mole on his lower abdomen area.  I had written about the tension I went through in this post.  It has resurfaced again.  I took KB to his five year physical when I casually mentioned to the pediatrician to take a look at the mole just to be sure it is OK.  He asked me if it looked different.  I was taken aback - I do keep an eye on it - it didn't look any different to me - but how can I be so sure - I had no measurements.  Our pede decided to refer him to a dermatologist to just make sure it was OK.  I took KB last afternoon to a dermatologist.  The derm takes one quick look and asks me if it looks different.  Again I told him it did not "look" different to me but how could I be sure at a clinical level.  The derm then casually told me that it looks "abnormal" and that KB needs to go through a procedure where they would give a shot to numb the area and then scrape out the moles (one bigger, the other smaller one).  I told him I wanted to think about it and talk to my husband and then make a decision.  KB grilled me on the drive back with questions like "Are they going to remove all my birth marks?",  "How do they know this one might hurt when I become big?",  "Why do they want to remove it if they don't know for sure?", "Did you have your birthmarks removed when you were a kid?"....It was hard to answer all his questions in the mood I was in.  But the matter still remains to be dealt with.  I have asked our pede for a referral to see another derm for a second opinion.  If I pause too long to think about it and let my mind go wild, I feel like there is a stone in my heart.  I am just praying it will be something KB and I can stomach and get through and get back home after a procedure to remove it if it comes to that.

I was talking to my sister the other day when she said to me, "we need to just take it one day at a time".  I was joking with her saying I only take it one second at a time.  Just can't predict what will happen the next moment.  These days my feeling is - if I can deal with it and come back home in a couple of hours - that is fine even if I have to go through some level of tension (like the day KB went to ER), anger and disappointment.  My prayer more and more is for the health and safety of the kids and of people in general.  Rest can be managed.  If you are reading this, that is my top wish for you and your family.

24 comments:

Gayatri said...

Hello

I understand what you are trying to say since I too keep going through the same emotions. I keep remembering one thing that I once read on MMs blog. God tests us with only so much that he thinks we can take. I kept reminding myself about that when my son had to go through a minor operation and even later. hope this helps. Good luck.

Sumana said...

Hey noon,Believe i can totally understand when you say a second at a time. After the second kid especially, we have learnt this on a grand scale. My son was diagnosed with KD after a series of fever. Never knew what was in the making and we were just getting tons of antibiotics prescribed by the paed's. For now just meditate and stay cool. My prayers here. All will be well. Any amount of tension can be taken if it is for a couple of hours.

Rohini said...

Hugs. The eyebrow sounds scary. All the best with making the decision about the moles.

GG said...

Like the new look. Hope all goes well with KB.

Praveen said...

He will be fine. Don't worry!
good wishes to the little boy.

sraikh said...

So many people dont understand when I say a minute at a time. I simply cannot plan something for next month. I dont know what can and will happen

Its good to get a 2nd opinion and see what that doc says. Also maybe now you can start keeping an eye on it and re-evaluating in 3-4 months whether its different and then schedule that procedure?


Big hugs and I hope the stitches dont leave a scar

noon said...

Gayatri

Thanks for your comment. I don't know - I sometimes feel God tests some people way too much - I saw this wonderful person I got to know when KB went through surgery for his elbow fracture - she had to go through so much mental agony - it was too much - more than she could bear really speaking - but when you don't have a choice you just take it - but it is so unfair to the child to be put through that kind of suffering. She used to tell me she wishes his suffering would end. Imagine what kind of pain she must have gone through to see her child in pain. The worst kind. I think of her - I just feel like there is no justice in all this. Life happens and somehow we have to survive it...

noon said...

Sumana

Thanks for your comment. OMG - that must have been harrowing to go through...esp until they figured out what the problem was. I hope you have got out of the tense phase and things are under control now? I am so sorry for what you had to go through. It is just as hard on the parents...

noon said...

Ro - Thanks...when is your holiday? Waiting for more funny Ayaan anecdotes after your trip. Yeah it was scary that one second until I figured out it was the eyebrow...his cousin topped that in India by hurting himself in the back of his head - they had to rush to ER and put in seven stitches. That same week.

noon said...

GG - thanks...just got tired of the blog look and more so because I was not writing often enough - it made it more boring to look at it - randomly decided to give it a new look!

noon said...

Praveen - thanks for the comment. And also the song mp3s!

Sraikh - congratulations on the job! Am very happy for you!
Yeah - we are waiting for the referral to come through for second opinion. I have been looking at the mole - but our pede said last year it is totally fine - we will have to just see if it changes a lot by the time he is 10 - but now to suddenly be asked for measurements by the derm - I was taken aback - because couple of pede's told me it is totally fine. Anyway - just hoping I will get through this fine. And not have to subject KB through too much anxiety.

Collection Of Stars said...

Hugs Noonie! Hope everything works out just fine and there are no more health scares.

bitsofchocolate said...

Hope the birthmark-thingy turns out to be much ado about nothing

mnamma said...

The ER visit sounds scary Noonie... Thank goodness it wasn't in the eye. As for the Mole, I am sure it will tun out to be benign. My prayers are with you..

Aryan said...

Don't worry noonie...As you said, health is important than anything else.
Btw the new look is very good...

BangaloreMom said...

Hi Noonie!!

Oh no, I cant imagine the mole issue has surfaced again...I was so relieved it was over the last time....But dont worry, no matter what you choose, KB is going to be just fine! Hugs!

molarbear's posts said...

I'm also concerned, though far away...keep us posted about what happens, please.

Cantaloupes.Amma (CA) said...

Noonie,

I hope you have sorted the mole issue.
I can feel your anxiety in the post ... best wishes.

noon said...

CofS - Thanks for commenting. How are you?!!!

PV - yes, keeping fingers crossed

Mniamma - I thank heavens a million times for that!

Aryan - thanks as always for your good wishes.

BM - Thanks. How are you?!!! Please post again soon.

MB - yes, will surely keep you posted. Praying...

CA - thanks for your good wishes

noon said...

Hi All - Thanks so much for the concern. I have a referral to see another derm - waiting for that appointment. Keeping fingers crossed and just praying...more so trying not to think about it so I don't go crazy with fear! Let's see...

BangaloreMom said...

Hi Noonie!!

How r u? What is the update on KB? Finally updated my blog!

mnamma said...

Noonie - its been long... Why no updates?

Anonymous said...

im an occasional reader on your blog. came back to make sure kb is okay.
please update us. im sure he is okay and want to make sure.

Neera said...

Hey noonoo, how r u and the kids? Whats the update on the mole?

Was so happy to read abt the happy beginning to school and preschool. Do write more updates on whats up there?

Lots of love and hugs for all of u