There is something about the moment when I take KG to her crib and put her in there for the night. Especially now that it is spring and the days are longer, it is still somewhat bright at 7.30pm when I take her in for her bed time. Sometimes a little earlier than that, sometimes a little later than that.
Downstairs KB will be busy bouncing his blue ball or changing CDs in the CD player. And there will be some music or the other playing. Until that time KG would have been playing downstairs and trying to grab any toy that KB was playing with...crawling around to visit me in the kitchen or poke at some interesting object on her way and stop right there. Suddenly her bedtime will come and I see her looking more subdued. A few minutes later, she rubs her eyes and looks obviously sleepy. I take her upstairs to her crib, turn on the lullabies CD, turn down the blinds and make her cozy under her blankets. There is something about that moment that I find so pure, so baby like. No matter what fun activity is happening downstairs, when it is her bedtime, much earlier than any of ours, she is ready to sleep. There is something tranquil about her being able to do that. To have her own schedule, to detach herself from the rest of the world at that moment and sleep peacefully. With the piano lullabies playing softly, in the dim light seeping through crevices in the windows, there is a feeling of peace when I put her in the crib. In that fleeting moment I feel a sense of bliss. As she pulls her legs forward ,lifts her back up, curls into a ball and puts her thumb in her mouth and drifts off to sleep, I feel as if I am observing something very special at that moment. I cherish now every such moment with my little baby - even more so than I did with KB - because I know this is it - our times with our children as babies.
Each day forward there is the excitement of the new, their new milestones and seeing them grow. But each passing day also means one step closer to our having to let go of them. Our little babies who are now ours totally, whole heartedly, unconditionally, will become individuals in their own right and we will be a subset in their world but not be their entire world like it is now. The loss of their innocence and the beauty of their growth intermingle in making this time sweet and heart breaking at the same time. Despite the aggravations of every day life, managing the work, dealing with people etc, I cherish this time - seeing the two children grow, interact and truly live in the moment.