Sunday, May 13, 2012

Letting them be...

I took KG to a birthday party this afternoon.  KG is relatively shy compared to her brother - but not entirely so.  She is very courageous on the inside and often in surprising ways.  She can talk to a tall and hefty man with absolutely no fear or hesitation if she is in her comfort zone, say if she knows he is a guest visiting our house.  But if she feels like she is being noticed in a crowd she will be quiet.  At the party today, she wanted to play with a girl two years older than her.  But that girl already was good friends with another girl who was KG's age.  KG kept running with them, behind them, was watching them, playing with them when she got the chance.  But over all it was clear she was tagging along more than being included actively.  I had to stand away and watch it happen.  This was for her to experience on her own.  When the two girls decided to just lie down on the grass with their parents, KG who is always ready for some physical activity said to me, why do they want to just sit there? I want to play with them.  I told her I would play with her if she wanted to but I cannot force them to play.  She did not want to play with me.  But she was OK with the situation.  It was my heart that felt a tug.  Did she feel left out? Why is she not more outgoing like those girls? Will she have friends when she starts KG? Will she be a lonely teenager? Will she then try to do the wrong things to please her friends so she can fit in?!  Projecting years into the future in just two seconds of seeing her sitting bored on the grass. 

I guess it is that tug you feel each time your child experiences some seemingly difficult situation that reminds you that you are a mom.  You want the absolute best for your child without a doubt.  You want to help but you have to hold back.  And there you grow as a person and a mother.  Being able to let go.  Being able to let them grow.  Experience the world.  Within safe territory.  To find that balance between protecting them and letting them be. 

The other day, someone told me that they felt it would be better not to purchase a house where an old couple had lived until then and the old lady had died just a few days earlier.  They felt it was not such an auspicious or blessed place after all.  My perspective, after seeing some unfortunate situations amongst friends or family where children are left behind without a mother or a father when a relatively young parent passes away, has completely changed.  I felt they were a blessed couple to have lived that long in good health in their own home for all those years and to have been there for their children.  Any adult who has had the privilege of being there for their children and getting them through up to adulthood is truly blessed.  Reading about such situations completely breaks my heart.  But it is also a reminder to keep perspective and sift out the trivialities of every day life and feeling blessed for having all that is going well in life. 

Wishing you all a very happy mother's day! 

10 comments:

mnamma said...

Happy Mother's day Noonie! How much ever we prepare our mind, the letting go part can be difficult. A beautiful post as always :)

ranjani.sathish said...

LOvely post Noon and wish you also a very happy Mother's day !

Aparna said...

KG seems so much like Yukta. Y is the same. Some weeks ago, she was at a party and someone asked her name. She replied but her answer was lost in the loud voice of another kid who loudly said "Yukta!" When that boy was asked why he replied, he said (in hindi)"Oh She speaks very low, you can't hear her!" Y was so upset by that incident - she still talks abt it, a month later.
I worry about her and like you, project years into the future :)
I'm sure they'll be ok and I'm sure she will pick up lots of cues from her elder brother as well.
Happy belated mother's day! :)

Anonymous said...

Such a lovely post as usual from you Noon. Made my day along with the beautiful red rose my son gifted me this morning.

Deepa

noon said...

MNamma - super difficult I think - if you really want to let go of them and let them be. To be their own person and not to impose our dreams on them.

Ranj - Thanks! Hope you had a great moms' day!

noon said...

Aparna - I can totally picture the scene. And KG would have been upset and talking about it too for a long time to come. She does not like someone answering for her. As it is she deals with that at home with KB always correcting her English and answering her math questions just to irritate her. Glad am not the only one projecting twenty years ahead in twenty seconds! :)

noon said...

Deepa - thanks - and you made my day with your comment. How are you?! How sweet of your son to give you a red rose! I don't know you but I do think of you often and wonder how things are going at your end - after reading the comment you wrote from one of my earlier posts.

meeraganesh said...

Hey Noon,

DD was like that too when she was younger. She had this sense of inertia, she'd take her own sweet time to get used to s aituation and make friends. Her Kindergarten year, DH and I had endless arguments about pulling her out of school and holding her back so she'd be older and more social, or so we hoped. From spending all of recess talking to teachers, DD now is friends with a classroom full of kids. She initiates conversations, makes an attempt to include new kids in her group and is quite the social butterfly. KG will get there, too when she's good and ready. Hang in there, happy Mother's day!!

noon said...

Good to know Meera. I hope things change - as long as she doesn't feel left out all the time I am OK with it. She started in this pre-K school in October and now her teacher says she talks well with all the kids and plays with them etc. End of the year! School ends in June. Takes her that long to let go of herself.
Am so annoyed about wordpress. I can't comment on any wordpress blogs. And I tried getting a wordpress account using my usual gmail account - it wont' accept that. Says email is already in use and to log in but it won't let me log in using that gmail account. I don't feel like creating one more gmail account just for this. Totally annoyed about it.

meeraganesh said...

Hey Noon,

It's perfectly fine... a lot of the times I write because I have to vent or because situations in my life are flat out hilarious, the comments and the visitors are an added bonus :) That you read my work is enough.