I have written a lot about KB this past week - all leading up to this day - his third birthday. My little baby is now a little boy...only now I am able to think of him as a little boy at least - not a baby. He is still very innocent in a lot of ways - partly because he has been home with me and only interacts with other children in my presence. I guess when he starts school, I can see him as his own person without any influence from me at least for a few hours every week.
Both B and I have felt the passing of time the last three years. I can hardly believe KB is three but I also don't feel like time flew by. So much happened in the three years and KB has been a part of it all. I see so much of my father in him and for this I am thankful. I wish for him as good a life as my father had - even if he had tough times in his childhood - my father was such a confident, self made, generous, jovial, well respected, sociable and kind person. I pray to God to keep KB healthy, happy and safe. I sure hope that all the wonderful qualities in him remain so always and don't get tarnished by the vagaries of experience as he grows up. I wish for him good friends, good teachers and good fortune. If at all I came to know what it is to feel love that cannot be put in words, it is only after I had KB. He makes a yelling monster out of me at times, trying my patience with his compulsive and obsessive nature at times. But when I look at his innocent face when he is sleeping or when he does the simplest of gestures - like gently patting my neck as soon as he over hears me telling B that my throat is aching - with utmost sincerity and faith that that simple act can actually "fix" the problem - his innocence and loving spirit touch me like nothing else does. At those times, I realize what it is to love your child in a way that words can't do justice. I sometimes wish to capture the essence of all that is KB and hold on to it and never let go - all that goodness preserved. But I know he will grow up - I wonder how he will look as a young teenager, a young man...what his tastes will be like...there is time for it all to happen. I wish for him the very best every step of the way and I do hope that divine grace that protects us all in ways that we don't even realize is there with him protecting him.
Happy birthday to my dear sweet KB!