Friday, May 30, 2008

Aaaargh one moment...awwn the next...

I wanted to write a post or at least mail a bunch of my blog pals about how frustrated I was feeling about the last few days. I was annoyed enough to tell people not** to respond back with the word "Phase". I didn't want to hear it. KB had suddenly gotten into this weird mode of crying loudly for the strangest of things. For about 5 days. Just out of the blue one afternoon, when I casually went in to shower, he just started crying. Like he was worried that I would disappear. I thought it was a one time thing. That evening, I went into the bathroom, that's it, he dropped what he was doing, followed me, stayed outside the door and cried his guts out. Later we were heading out to the park. My father-in-law was coming with us too. I buckled up the kids in their car seats and my FIL sat in the front and I went into the house for about 30 seconds to get something. And KB was crying so much in those few seconds. I could not move away from him. He did that a couple of times with B too. I just felt like tearing my hair apart and running far away from my children. KG who is normally a good eater has now started being impossible mainly during lunch time. She just does not want any rice of vegetables. Cereal with fruit, she is OK with. But rice with veggies, she literally grabs the spoon tight and tips the food down and examines her hand. She cries (no tears) loudly if I insist on feeding her beyond that.
You can imagine my anger considering all of this, especially KB"s sudden crying bouts went on for over five days. Few nights back I lamented to B, "I gave up my career to spend time taking care of my children and at the end of the day, I felt KB may have been better off in day care from 3m on".

And for no reason all this changed last afternoon. He doesn't care if I go to the restroom or shower. No crying. He has been so patient if while I am giving him his lunch, I need to run upstairs to change KG's diaper. He waits patiently and then continues eating. I just don't get it - just too random. But my theory is that he probably needed more food but just didn't want to eat more...or he is now sensing that when people like my brother visit they favor KG a little more. And that probably has made him feel the competition more now. He being the gentle kid will not take it out on KG but will cry himself and take it out on me without even realizing it. All this is my random child psychology.

In any case, just a little while back KB said "Good night" to me and went to bed. As is the routine, B carried him upstairs and KB was leaning on B's shoulders. Legs on either side. I felt sad that I had even fought and showed so much anger towards this sweet little child the last few days. He was leaning so innocently on B's shoulders and reminded me of how much he needs us for his sense of comfort and security.

This afternoon, while I was getting my bagel toasted during lunch time, I left KG inside the graco play yard. She is left in it only for about five minutes usually when I need to do take KB to the bathroom - since she immediately comes crawling into the bathroom. I had just taken KB to the potty and got him cleaned up. I figured while she is in there, I will get my bagel toasted and then come and sit with the kids while I ate it. KB walked to the play pen and entertained KG while I was in the kitchen. I just came to see what they were up to when I heard chuckles and gurgles of laughter from KG. She would put her hand on the mesh and KB would ram his head gently on her hand saying "tucku tukku" and she would laugh. They went about doing this for nearly 20 minutes. She just laughed and laughed at what KB was doing. If I did the same thing, she didn't care for it. It was just delightful to watch their carefree interaction. At that moment, they were a team, I was just a witness. It was beautiful. That two children can feel that kind of connection, bond and liberty and play with each other and entertain each other so nicely. These are the kinds of moments that make up for the down swings I go through when I think of the uncertainty ahead of me in my career path. You cannot expect these spontaneous moments to necessarily happen when you have free time. But when it happens, it feels good to be present. For they will be children only once. This is not to question or judge any one's personal choice. I am writing about how good it feels to be able to ride up with your children during their best moments when you go through every bit of their difficult moments too with them. I feel thankful during such moments that I am blessed to be able to spend my time in their company relishing their childhood. I am partly writing this down for myself to read when I feel upset and down about how I am constantly tending to children or attending to domestic chores. And this is for those of you who are in the brink of quitting - that the rewards are going to be very intangible, it depends on you to put a price on it. It is exhilarating, magical and fleeting - the good moments with your children when you stay home with them during their early years. A lot of work, a lot of patience but the rewards are to be etched in memory! Or well, in your blog!

22 comments:

ranjani.sathish said...

Hi noon
This was a very good post and so true also. Sometimes these fleetings and beautiful moments are the saving grace of a day, when you you seem constantly over worked !

Collection Of Stars said...

KT does the same sometimes. She cries for no rhyme or reason and just drives me insane. She does this sometimes with my mom but very rarely. She seems to store it all up for the few hours that I am at home :(
She did the same just about an hour back and now she is all lovey dovey with me - hugging and kissing me non-stop :)

Aditi's Album said...

Hi - have just posted on baby bonding with daddy. My girl is 15 months old and refused the dal rice and boiled veggies i gave her. So I tried adding 2 spoonfuls of rasam to her rice and made regular vege - sans spice,just salt, instead of boiled mashed vege and that was a sure success. It worked for me - I know how tough mealtimes can be. And i empathize with you on the rearing kids and domestic chores part. Partly that's the reason why I returned to work, although I had no plans to return to work before Aditi was born.

Poppins said...

Stop the presses ! Poppin is doing exactly what KB was doing ! DITTO. I am going crazy trying to figure out about the randomness of the crying episodes. No new changes in our case. Anyways I will cuddle up extra and see if it stops.

The bonding between the two is just so amazing, Noon! I loved reading about it.

noon said...

Ranj - Yeah - I was thinking about you and a few others here when I was writing this post. It takes a lot of conviction to quit a really good job at a top firm - like you were in - and decide to go the SAH route...I admire you for sticking to your decision - esp in India where you can get domestic help, I can imagine people would have told you (or you might have also felt so yourself) to just continue working...

CofS - I know - no rhyme or reason. Suddenly the last two three days now - he has been so good - no unreasonable crying bouts...if he says he will finish some game and then come for mum mum, he finishes it and does come as promised...unlike the previous week when I would coax,cajole, beg, shout and then it will lead to crying...nothing changed...or may be B is able to spend a little more time than he could last week - not sure what! But kids man - never know how they will react at any point in time!

Aditi - you know I tried that too - I made the rice as tasty as I would like it - salt/gentle spice/dal, not gound but mashed - it was even more of a flop - she flat out pushed the meal away. I don't know what it is...she doesn't even cry. She just coolly pushes the food away and makes a mess of her hand by grabbing the spoon with the food...may be it's teething...what ever - am letting it go. That's the thing with second kids - you just don't have time to press on - with KB I used to spend any amt of time it took to get him to eat...with KG - I just have only so much time after which I have to attend to KB/set food on the table for my FIl etc etc...no time to battle her for too long.

Poppin - well, the good part is she will come out of it and at least for a little while she will give you a break...I am so eagerly waiting to know how she behaves when you are in the hospital and when the baby arrives home...it's going to be so interesting. Remember how I told you - it was miraculous absolutely how KB was so good about it those two days when I was away...having never stayed away from me ever until then. Just mind boggling how kids are able to cope with situations if there is a real need...

~nm said...

These kids can be such puzzles..don't they? Acting one way on one day and totally opposite the other day. Its like a wrong switch gets pressed and you go totally insane at their behaviour!

BangaloreMom said...

Oh Noonie

Felt so good and sad all at the same time reading ur post. Good to read about and witness vicariously the bonding between KB and KG that is developing so beautifully. Sad wondering why a decision that is so simple and beautiful is so difficult for me.

Do not worry about the 'phase' hee hee.... Kids are all the same. There are days when I am tempted to give kuttan away to the first person on the street. And there are days when he is such an angel that I feel my heart will burst with pride... :D All the best!

DotThoughts said...

First off hugs. This post was quintessential noon!Kids have a strnbage way of showing their emotions and their feelings! Chip does it too.. jekyll and hyde. Thet was a lovely momeory about KB and KG playing like this or ratehr KB entertaining KG..higs to boh og them!

ddmom said...

Noon, I know what you mean, we are all in the same boat. I see that with D too, not often, but every now and then and it drives me crazy. These days if I hug her for few minutes, assure her that I love her and it's ok to be sad, sometimes she speaks out. Sometimes, I know its the sleep or not eating well. Other times, I just don't know and loose it if it persists over a period of time, especially when she gets so picky, that I cannot even nurse Dlittle. Only to realise later that she is a kid too, and many a times does not know to express her feelings.

Preethi said...

hehe... see you got your reward... I cant help smiling at the image you brought up of KG and KB playing.. you do have the knack noon.. of painting a picture with your words!
s for KG's choosiness on her food... she is developing taste and independence :) Now you need to get creative!! I know its tough.. but these kids are smart! As for KB, I believe it is just a means of getting some attention, I know its going to be tough but try and be calm and have a talk with him and let him know that you can help him better if he tells you and does not cry.. tell him how much smarter he is now and how he can talk about his feelings unlike KG.. that might encourage him to give up the crying.. Hugs and good luck!

Mystic Margarita said...

Oh Noon - I know the feeling! Sometimes with tantrums, fussy eating, and refusal to sleep, I feel myself start to lose control - the very next moment he'll do something silly, hug me, or give me a kiss, and I realize how beautiful these moments are. Hugs. And yes...you simply HAVE to visit me next time to visit your sister! It would be wonderful meeting all of you! :)

Aryan said...

Oh you are making me think a lot...VEry beautiful post well written...

Neera said...

oh noonoo, I could write the exact same post with all the names interchanged.

You cannot expect these spontaneous moments to necessarily happen when you have free time. But when it happens, it feels good to be present.

This one is such a beautiful line and I agree 100 per cent.

I feel low, I feel like I am wasting my time, I scream and yell in the bad moments but all the good ones more than make up for all of it and are enough for me to be crystal clear in my decision abt not getting back to work at least till Jiya starts scl.

Siblings playing together are in deed such a treat to watch!!

K 3 said...

Oh the crying so much like what my little guy does - and then I hear my m-i-l says its only with me!! Its such an Arggggh moment!!!

Of course the next minute he is giving me kisses left and right - that I totally fall in love with him all over again!!! Bless those moments, right! Ur last lines so ring true!

Mystic Margarita said...

Tagged you! :)

the mad momma said...

oh noonie - same here. the brat went nuts this way for a few days a couple of months ago. he wouldnt sit in the car with the OA and let him even reverse out if i wasnt in the car!
went nuts cyring....

but youre so right. we do have our good moments and its so worth it.

noon said...

nm - insane is the right word for such moments!

BM - you know my wish for you! I hope it comes true! For the sake of Kuttan. Like I said I wouldn't even dare say this if I knew you didn't want another one...but since you do, I really hope you make it happen. The other day couple of my (non-Indian) friends were casually talking - she said she really wants a third but her husband does not...the other one wants to have a fourth but her husband does not! Can you imagine?! I would faint! Here we are worrying about two kids. And these people are not in any way unhappy about their compromising their career for the sake of kids...and they look so incredibly happy and so sure of themselves...what I admire about them is that they know for sure what they want and they go for it...esp the woman with three kids - she is a brilliant scientist - she has quit science and is so incredibly happy raising her children...

noon said...

Dottie - yeah...they definitely have their own ways of showing emotion...

DDmom - It's so random - before I could even decide what to do about it - he changed - now he is so happy and playing as usual when I go shower - those few days God knows what happened to him!

Preethi - thanks...How is the move going? Should check your blog now...

noon said...

Mystic - am surely visiting you when I come to visit my sis - but God knows when I will visit her - I have told her until both kids are 3 plus it's on them to keep visiting me! :)

Aryan - hee hee think think ;) And then get into action! (I mean about how both kids are enjoying each o ther's company!)


Neera - yeah total pleasure to watch the two kids interact..

K3 - Aaargh! But these kids take most liberties only with their resp moms!

MM - yes MM, it is surely worth it just to see them interact...

artnavy said...

that was so touching

i can almost visualise the laughter between kb and kg

IF you dont mind my saying- on the food part- just give them a small break- they will come back when they are hungry

noon said...

Hi Art - nice to see you here after a long time...
Food part - I don't really force it too much...but KB doesn't even snack...so if he doesn't eat anything he will get really cranky and keep bugging me...not just the bugging part it will go into a loop - hungry cranky and won't eat even more so...so I try to get him to eat in that window of time...he eats fine just very slow...
KG - each day is different - she eats good one day and next day she just pushes the spoon away!

pumpkins mom said...

Completely agree with you, there have been times where one second I am pulling my hair over pumpkin not eating or not napping and the next second she does something really cute, my heart just melts reassuring me I made the right decision to stay home with her.