A couple of days back I got into an argument with B (my husband). Now thinking about it, it seems like a scene from the romantic comedy “The break up” (I only saw the trailer on TV where they show Jennifer Aniston complaining to Vince Vaughn that he does not “want” to do the dishes). But when I was arguing, it was hardly funny. I was angry, very very angry. I had had a very long day – cooking a proper meal both for lunch and dinner since my father-in-law was visiting, taking care of my son all day and of course the difficult task of feeding him his three meals, shopping for Indian groceries at some new store in an unfamiliar town, losing the way on the way back home when it had become dark ((being 6m pregnant and having a toddler sitting at the back makes it doubly stressful), having to rush and make dinner and feed my son, finally sitting down to have dinner myself past 9.30pm that night. The next morning was my mother-in-law’s 6th month ceremony. She was fond of keeping some traditions and observing festivals etc so in her honor I wanted to do the traditional cooking that is done on such days. B had to go with his father to meet the priest at 7.00 am – so I had to get as much cooking done as possible (it is an elaborate menu on such days) before 6.00am. He had offered to cut all the vegetables and keep it ready for the next morning. I was exhausted but I felt bad about relaxing in the couch when B was cutting vegetables. As soon as he got started, I joined him and started cutting vegetables along with him. After a brief moment of silence, I was beginning to fume inside while the two of us tired souls silently went about the cutting…
I suddenly exploded to B “you know, you could just tell me to go sit down and relax and that you will take care of it yourself”! B just looked at me aghast at this complaint and said “Who asked you to come and help. I told you I would take care of it”.
“Well, you know I was considerate enough to not let you do the whole thing all alone, you can likewise just tell me to just take it easy!”
“What?! Is this a test?! Why can’t you just relax instead of helping me and then complaining about it?!”
“That’s not the point. You could just be a little thoughtful and show me that you acknowledge what I am doing for you and make me feel good!”
B shook his head in complete confusion and this complex logic and that made it worse for me. In the middle of this I was yelling at him that we were arguing so loudly and that my father-in-law who was upstairs would only think of me as the monster daughter-in-law who argues with his son. And once again B was amazed and said “ You are worried about that now?!”
What can I say – probably a classic case of “Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars”!
The night passed in anger and coldness but thankfully sleep does clear the head and a beaming fresh smile from dear son soon after waking up in the morning, our bonding factor during such times did the trick. I still wonder though if I was unreasonable in my anger towards B at that moment…I say wonder, but in fact I am sure I was not being unreasonable in my expectations, what say you, women out there?! .
P.S - am posting after a very long time. After my father passing away I was so stricken with grief and shock from his abrupt and unexpected demise, I just could not get myself to think straight and write about anything. Aside from the fact that it was an extremely busy time at home, with son falling sick, having to move, father-in-law visiting and so on. And a month later a very close cousin sister of mine died of cancer leaving behind her only son who is only 19yrs old. I keep telling myself to keep perspective and not make a big deal of small things in light of such tragic events but I find that it is impossible to keep perspective at all times. It needs constant reminding and much work to not loose it when I am tired, to not worry myself if my son skips a meal or eats poorly, to not bring on negative thoughts (like the veggie incident) and arguments needlessly…. to feel grateful for all the blessings especially good health and friends and family…