Sunday, March 18, 2007

Perspective

A couple of days back I got into an argument with B (my husband). Now thinking about it, it seems like a scene from the romantic comedy “The break up” (I only saw the trailer on TV where they show Jennifer Aniston complaining to Vince Vaughn that he does not “want” to do the dishes). But when I was arguing, it was hardly funny. I was angry, very very angry. I had had a very long day – cooking a proper meal both for lunch and dinner since my father-in-law was visiting, taking care of my son all day and of course the difficult task of feeding him his three meals, shopping for Indian groceries at some new store in an unfamiliar town, losing the way on the way back home when it had become dark ((being 6m pregnant and having a toddler sitting at the back makes it doubly stressful), having to rush and make dinner and feed my son, finally sitting down to have dinner myself past 9.30pm that night. The next morning was my mother-in-law’s 6th month ceremony. She was fond of keeping some traditions and observing festivals etc so in her honor I wanted to do the traditional cooking that is done on such days. B had to go with his father to meet the priest at 7.00 am – so I had to get as much cooking done as possible (it is an elaborate menu on such days) before 6.00am. He had offered to cut all the vegetables and keep it ready for the next morning. I was exhausted but I felt bad about relaxing in the couch when B was cutting vegetables. As soon as he got started, I joined him and started cutting vegetables along with him. After a brief moment of silence, I was beginning to fume inside while the two of us tired souls silently went about the cutting…
I suddenly exploded to B “you know, you could just tell me to go sit down and relax and that you will take care of it yourself”! B just looked at me aghast at this complaint and said “Who asked you to come and help. I told you I would take care of it”.
“Well, you know I was considerate enough to not let you do the whole thing all alone, you can likewise just tell me to just take it easy!”
“What?! Is this a test?! Why can’t you just relax instead of helping me and then complaining about it?!”
“That’s not the point. You could just be a little thoughtful and show me that you acknowledge what I am doing for you and make me feel good!”
B shook his head in complete confusion and this complex logic and that made it worse for me. In the middle of this I was yelling at him that we were arguing so loudly and that my father-in-law who was upstairs would only think of me as the monster daughter-in-law who argues with his son. And once again B was amazed and said “ You are worried about that now?!”
What can I say – probably a classic case of “Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars”!
The night passed in anger and coldness but thankfully sleep does clear the head and a beaming fresh smile from dear son soon after waking up in the morning, our bonding factor during such times did the trick. I still wonder though if I was unreasonable in my anger towards B at that moment…I say wonder, but in fact I am sure I was not being unreasonable in my expectations, what say you, women out there?! .

P.S - am posting after a very long time. After my father passing away I was so stricken with grief and shock from his abrupt and unexpected demise, I just could not get myself to think straight and write about anything. Aside from the fact that it was an extremely busy time at home, with son falling sick, having to move, father-in-law visiting and so on. And a month later a very close cousin sister of mine died of cancer leaving behind her only son who is only 19yrs old. I keep telling myself to keep perspective and not make a big deal of small things in light of such tragic events but I find that it is impossible to keep perspective at all times. It needs constant reminding and much work to not loose it when I am tired, to not worry myself if my son skips a meal or eats poorly, to not bring on negative thoughts (like the veggie incident) and arguments needlessly…. to feel grateful for all the blessings especially good health and friends and family…

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

Interesting! I didn't know what blogsearch.sg was until I saw your comment - anon. From the number of comments so far I can tell this post is extremely popular thanks to Jennifer Aniston! :)
noon

itchingtowrite said...

my condolences. extremely sorry to read abt your dad
take care

30in2005 said...

Oh Noon, surely you are allowed the odd outburst, what with all these stresses and strains, without it blowing up into a big deal. As for men being from another planet, what can I say beside agree and then say that that is one of the attractive things in a partner - the unfathomable mind and behaviour!

Orchid said...

If I were you, I ould just blame it on the hormones...remember you are pregnant...so don't worry at all and yes, relax and unwind a li't bit because pent up emotions are never good ....hope all's well now :)

Anonymous said...

T,

that had a funny and true side to it! I am glad to see u post again !! Keep checking this site to see yr blogs! Hope everything is going well and make sure u are getting some time to relax.

noon said...

Hi Itchingtowrite,
Thanks...still miss him but we all have to go on with our lives holding on to the memories.

noon said...

Hi 30in2005
Yeah I agree that's probably part of the attraction! It's not an odd outburst btw - we have these outbursts every now and then - but good part is we are open, vocal and get it over with it and move on right away...I would die if I had to bottle it up..

noon said...

Hi Orchid,
No no it can't be the hormones! :) No hormone can get the saintly and calm and serene me angry about such trivial things! ;))

noon said...

IG - we gotta talk soon - bin for ever!

sathish said...

noon, Sorry to read about your dad..

Rohini said...

Glad to see you posting again.

And I wouldn't worry about the outburst. Irrational outbursts add to the who Mysterious Women and Their Mysterious Thought Processes thingy.

Lena said...

I think you would apologize to him...consider it honeslty from his point..if he acted like that to you , you would be so pissed off and rightly justified in being angry. You volunteered to him how was he to read your mind and tell you to relax. He told you he would do it himself the fact that you came back and decided to help him meant that you DIDNT WANT to rest.

That was a silly argument on your part and for the sake of your marriage and peace, be a big person and apologize.

noon said...

Hi Lena,
If I apologized now he would laugh at me! We have these casual outbursts of anger/irritation and just move on like nothing happened...and actually I do expect him to read my mind and ask me to rest because he knows me that well! :) We've known each other as friends for a long time!
noon

Lena said...

lol! In that case, water under the bridge! :D

Glad it's not that big a deal. I know a bunch of people who actually break up over silly little stuff...it's sad.

B o o said...

Noon - I have linked you here. indianmommies.blogspot.com.
Hope thats alright!

mommyof2 said...

don't worry. its part of life especially part of pregnancy;-) During Guriya's time I was so bitchy & fought with my hubby alot;-)He was my worst enemy but only for those few months;-)

Hugs

artnavy said...

sorry about all the loss - ur father,MIL, cousin

u r okay to lose your cool- blame it on the hormones

Maybe u can take a short weekend break out of town?

Pranay said...

Of course it were your crazy hormones that did it but I do feel sorry for B. Girls do sometimes act this way. What are men supposed to do when every thing has a hidden expectation?I m so scared of marriage right now..;-P

P.S. Sorry to hear about your dad.

noon said...

Boo - thanks and no problem about that - except am guilty of not posting much at all these days!

Mof2 - yes,we need the spouse to vent away! :)

Art - weekend out of town - dont' think that will help much now - having to plan/pack food for my picky eater of a son and lugging my pregnant self along and sleeping on hotel beds when I barely feel comfortable in my own! :) But don't think this has much to do with hormones - just normal for us to suddenly have these outbursts and move on soon after...

noon said...

Pranay! Very cute to read the response of a fresh 21 yr old! yes yes be absolutely terrified of marriage - the woman monster may gobble you up alive when you least expect it! :)) Jokes apart - there in lies the fun - you don't always know for sure what the woman is thinking and of course the man probably is not even thinking anything when the woman is imagining all sorts of possible thoughts going on in the man's head! :)) It's a lot of fun when you find the right person - good luck! :))

@ said...

noon: its been a while since we heard from you - wasn't your due date sometime in april? baby out yet?

JK said...

yeah..what u have written here is very true....Hoping the better-half to undertsand our feelings to the point. U know what, i use to give a little hint abt my stress and what i expect from him. he would get the inner meaning and do what i expected. try it... in my case,most of the time it works out.