Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Something new for 2007...

After a long break I looked through a few posts randomly...and I signed into my own and saw Tharini's message...Thanks Tharini, sweet of you! I especially think of you now and I actually read one your old posts again a few weeks back - the one about how if you think of parenting as something spritual it makes a lot of difference in being able to cope with the challenges that come with it...and you can guess now why I might have read that post again. I am pregnant with the second child due end of June.
Unlike madmomma who very much wanted a second (and I assume you too) and is very very excited about it from day one, I actually found this to be a difficult decision for me. I was very happy with just one child. I did not desire to have a second child nor did I look forward to going through pregnancy all over again. I had planned to join a program (with a fellowship that is awarded to very few students each year) but having a child meant giving up both the admission and the fellowship. I knew that if I did have a second I would have to postpone getting back to the work/study world for that much longer. This was not the only reason but everything put together I really hesistated to even think about having a second child. I feel there is so much pain and suffering in this world, why bring one more child into this world. I feel/felt guilty even about wanting to have our own child when there are so many in need of a home. Yet the desire to have our own was strong and I also did not want to adopt - I was ready to just support a lot of children (I am involved with a home for children) rather than adopting one - I feared how it would be if I regretted the adoption - the guilt would kill me. Illogical as it may seem, I felt more at liberty to feel anger during difficult moments with my own child than with an adopted one.
The first child, I was looking forward to it. Everything was novel and I felt completely at peace. For the second, I wanted my child to have a sibling (and the two of them for each other) and that was the only driving force behind my decision. I could not imagine my life without my siblings and I wanted my child to also have that joy. One of my brothers was totally not in favor of having a second (he has only one) and the other one (who also has only one son) was always trying to convince me not to make the mistake of having just one child! My mother ofcourse was all in favor of it and I suppose she thinks I make this decision too - she wanted me to badly have a girl! My husband was sure we should have two children. If he had had any doubts about it, we would not have gone for it since I was so unsure of it myself. Anyway - with a lot of trepidation I did make the decision that I would give it a few months and if within that time I did get pregnant, we would indeed have a second child. I found out I was pregnant just a day before my mother-in-law passed away. I did not even get around to telling her about it - she would have been so happy to know about it. I went to India for her funeral and came back in two weeks. I had to deal with 10 days of jetlag with my son along with my first trimester nausea - not so much throwing up - but just a total lack of appetite and hence a constant feeling of hunger. It was also getting dark very early since it is winter and my husband was working late hours each day and weekends to catch up on the two weeks of work that had piled up when he was away in India. Those were depressing 10 days. At that moment I reminded myself of Tharini's post - sometimes it does feel like it is something you give of yourself to raise children. Even if it is difficult and painful at times. Ofcourse the joys too are endless but you really earn the joy with a lot of hardwork. And I do feel that while working mothers have to face a different set of challenges, sahm's have to deal with a lot of mental drain - you don't get a break to just do something for yourself - not even read something in total peace for an hour - it is a a difficult thing to get used to. It is a choice you make no doubt, but that doesn't make it easier. Well, I have got through the first trimester and I am able to eat a lot better though I have not gained any weight at all. I am looking forward to knowing the gender of the baby - just like madmomma - I too am all for knowing the gender as soon as possible! My friend who is also pregnant is trying hard to convince me not to find out and I am trying hard to convince her to find out the gender! Anyway - that's the news from my end. Hoping for a healthy child for all of us who are pregnant now...and a healthy girl esp for madmomma since she so badly wants a girl! I am ok with either one really - with the first one I was so eager and was so sure it would be a girl - it took me a day to mentally readjust when the ultrasound technician casually told me "oh by the way it's a boy!". Now I am ok with a boy or a girl - just praying for a healthy child! Taking it by the day now...hopefully everything will go well and we will have a healthy child. I cannot imagine what it will be like to deal with two children at the same time. My son is a good natured child but he does give me a difficult time when it comes to eating - it drains me out to feed him his meals three times a day - I do hope that changes for the better so I have the energy to cope with feeding two children at the same time! Plenty of changes and new things to look forward to in 2007!

35 comments:

Anonymous said...

T,
I logged in and saw yr blog ! Nice to see u post again ! I sure will pray- u have a model baby -- who sleeps thru the night and does not cry much and smiles a lot and eats quickly !!!
What u wrote about not having 1 hour to do something in peace is so true ! Can't even go to bathroom in peace -- for 10 minutes -- without my younger one standing outside demanding to be let in or crying for something !!! okedoke, girl, write more often !

noon said...

Oh yeah I am gonna have a model baby that sleeps through the night and - don't forget - eats fast and chews the food well!!! And man tell me about it - I didn't think I would ever feel like having 10 min to go to the bathroom or shower in peace will feel like a luxury! But glad your little one troubles you too!! :))

noon said...

Tharini - by the way - not sure if the problem is with my computer (may be the updated version of IE) - I am not able to post comments on your post...have to try it from the desktop later.

artnavy said...

Back here after a long time

ALL THE BEST with your second one

I kind of feel like you do about a second. But if it happens, I would probably react the same.

noon said...

Thanks Art..come on join the gang! Fun to have company in all this!

Tharini said...

Dear Noon...

First of all many many congratulations to you and your hubby, and your little boy who shall earn the status of big brother soon..

I can definitely understand what you have gone thru w.r.t the trepidation abt having a second child. I waited 3 years to decide to have the second.....and looking back I remember there being some very doubtful moments.

When things got rough with handling Akhil, I'd swear off a second child and promise myself that I'd just be a great mother to one precious child and fulfil all my other roles to the best.....but when things got better....I felt so sad at the thought of Akhil never having any siblings and his kids never having any cousins etc. It was heartbreaking.

But now....8 months into it, I don't have much of a memory fo those empty feelings or those fears. Sure I hated my first trim. I hated it. Just taking it a day at a time...and going thru the grind.,...sonehow you get to the other side like you have.

You will/probably are feeling much more cheered now that the tougher spots are behind you.....hormones settle and so does your mind at the thought. U must have gotten used to it.

Even now, sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night...I get a panic attack and despair....how am I going to do it all over again?

But the next morning, I see the daybreak and things settle again. Hope returns.

And yes, spiritual parenting helps. I think it is about preparing yourself mentally to give your all to your children that and remembering that a little bit of humour goes a long way in dealing with your parenting role.....I think it will help.

I am excited now. Have dug up all of Akhil's newborn clothes and feeling so ecited and thrilled at seeing my second boy. And more than anything else....holding my two boys in my arms!!! :)

Tharini said...

Maybe you are having trouble posting comments cos I migrated to Beta Blogger version.(?)

I remmeber Artnavy saying she too had problems leaving commnts. But she is able to do so now.

noon said...

Hi Tharini,
Was great reading your comment which felt more like a letter - and I love reading letters! I only get junk in my mail box - at least NY brings some cards thankfully! :)
Thanks for your wishes. Yes, the thought of your child not having siblings is not appealing and is a strong driving force - although I told myself I would be fine and accept if even if we were not to have a second - I would have to work harder at making time for people and for my son to meet his cousins more etc. And in some ways I am still prepared - but hoping everything will go well and we will have a healthy second child.
Last two days my back got caught and without any other outside help it is a very scary thought - just cannot afford to be anything but in the pink of health when you have a 16m old to manage and being pregnant at the same time. Thankfully it was only for a few hours but I am hoping with regular walking twice a day it will become ok. I never had such issues in my first pregnancy. Am mentally preparing myself now for the thirs trimester - feeling like an elephant while walking and now having to put the first one in and out of car seats and what not...and for 3 weeks the last preg, I had cholestasis - you can look it up see what fun that can be! Hoping that won't happen this time. I used to take cold showers in the middle of the night to feel better...
Ah the joys of pregnancy really! Plenty to look forward to but plenty to deal with also. It really helps to have people to share it with though!
I could not even open your profile to see if I can email you since I was not able to post comments. Good thing you happened to come back to my blog site.
Will keep you posted as soon as I find out if it is a boy or a girl!

Anonymous said...

BTW Tharini - still not able to post comments on your posts! Guess your beta version has blocked me out! :(

Anonymous said...

noon yes sure helps to have people to share with - especially people who understand for having gone thru the same themselves.

i had the most awful pregnancy the first time - puked continuously all 9 months got dehydrated, landed in hospital many times etc. so i swore never ever again. but i did so badly want a sibling for my daughter and the idea of a 'complete' family etc. so i decided to adopt baby no 2. as luck would have it i went and got pregnant! well the second pregnancy was as awful. it was worse coz i was so busy puking i could'nt be 'a good mother' to my baby (she was 1 year and 7 months old when i conceived). etc etc etc.

anyway baby no.2 happened. since then we've had the best of times and the worst of times. she is now 1 year and 5 months old. and given a choice i don't think i would have it any other way. just maybe had my babies even earlier and been more hands on and a better mother.

maybe this new year is a good time to make that resolution!

happy new year and good luck! whatever you are going thru you can count on your blogging friends to have been there and done that already!

d

Rohini said...

Many congratulations. I feel exactly the way you do - I have no idea how I am ever going to fit another baby into this jampacked life of mine, but the big driving force to plan one is that I don't want Ayaan to be a single child...

Terri said...

Congratulations noon! Two kids are a joy because they can amuse each other for the two minutes it takes to quickly check your e-mail (privacy in bathroom is not guaranteed, however).

I hope you have a safe pregnancy.

This too (the doubts, bloating, mood swings, etc.) shall pass.

mommyof2 said...

Wow!! great news:-) Congrats!!! I checked ur post date to see if u were waiting for new year to break the news;-)

Having one or 2 kids is totally personal choice and Im sure both are good depend on the logic & reasoning one is using to make the decision. As for me I wanted to have 3 kids so that there is always some kind of “Halla-gulla” in the house;-) Then realize 2 are enough and they can do lots of halla gulla:-)

We(I) planned our kids close cuz I wanted to close the baby-having chapter soon & wanted kids to enjoy each other instead of waiting few more years to have second. I think it worked out great cuz I never had sibling related issues, what I read or heard from others. A used to take care of Gudiya from the beginning. Now he feels jealous cuz she act very selfish lots of times & hog everything and those time I feel really happy that I had her sooner.. The thought of having her now when A is almost 4, is too much for me to handle.

As soon as ur first trimester is over & baby start kicking, you will feel better:-) About having time to urself, well I don’t do anything at home still I don’t have 2 minutes to go to bathroom peacefully.. Just like ur friend’s, my one kid is always standing outside doing some nautanki:-)

And about the complications, I had spotting & diabetes during first but noting during second. After having Gudiya it was very tough initially, still it was all worth it:-) So think positive and don’t worry about anything.. you will be fine:-)

Btw When we got married we always talked about adopting (having one our own first) but with time our thinking changed (I guess). I honestly think that raising an adopted child with ur own can make u unfair sometimes (Hindi films & my step mother:-) I see myself doing something related, like foster parents or similar, in future but now not now..

Good luck again:-)

noon said...

Hi D
Wow you are pretty brave - well I guess the desire for your children ot have each other as siblings was so strong that you went ahead despite a difficult first pregnancy. I don't know if I would have been as courageous had I had such a difficult first one. Even the 3 weeks of cholestasis I went through - I am dreading...
Nice to know though that you have managed to get through the difficult first year with two very young children...I guess it gets easier once they are both about four plus...
Good luck - do you have a blog site? Would be nice to read your experiences...
Take care, stay in touch.
Noon

noon said...

Thanks Rohini...yes I think as a working mother a whole different set of things come into play while making this decision (just like for a sahm who may feel like she is in the brink of insanity from constant baby care)- how do you juggle two kids/work and give enough time for both the kids...each one with it's own set of demands...somehow we all get through it I guess - though it feels like sooner the better - so at least they will play with each other and also relate well to each other later in life...wish you the best with this decision...

noon said...

Hey Terri! Thanks...well well don't we all remember the "Can we play X-box mom?" incident that happened there - no privacy I know! ;) Yes yes, I chant that like a mantra when I am in the pits sometimes - this too shall pass! Thanks :)

noon said...

Hi Mof2, Thanks! Three kids - now that will be something! :) I do see a lot of Americans where i live who have three kids - in fact during my first U/S a japanese doc who is very jovial told me - "This is your first? You get going - the average for our county is 3 you know - am serious - so keep it up!" :) When I went for the first U/S for this pregnancy, the tech told me - well, let me make sure there is only one baby in there - for a second until she told me - my heart was beating so fast - I think I would have fainted had she said twins!! :) Anyways...glad you are enjoying yourself and the kids are also enjoying each other's company...Have a wonderful year!

Anonymous said...

hi noon
you missed reading one very critical piece of information in my post - "as luck would have it, i went and got pregnant" - that means i did'nt do it because i was brave - i did it because i did'nt have a choice! he he.
well i have created a blog - but i havent posted in it - i keep intending to, just don't get around to doing it. tharini has tried every trick in the book to motivate me to update my blog, but to no avail! as soon as i get around to it i will send the link out! soon i promise, soon!
d

Tharini said...

Hi Noon...

I don't know any way arnd the comment posting issue u are having. Unless perhaps you shift to blogger beta urself! :)

Otw, just mail me whatever comment u wish to post at tharinid@gmail.com and I'll post it for you. :)

Orchid said...

noon,
I agree. The decision surrounding a second child is probably the hardest. I was so convinced that one was all I needed when I had A 3 yrs ago but now I am willing to revisit my decision more so because of A. I don't want him to be lonely growing up. While I grapple with my own doubts...all I can say is consider yourself blessed. Good luck with the pregnancy and from what I have heard from my friends parenting two kids is apparently a lot easier than parenting one....don't ask me how or why!

noon said...

Hi D,
Yes, I saw that line - but wasn't clear if it was a conscious decision or not. But good that it happened without too much planning -e sp considering that you are now very happy that it happened that way...
didn't realise you and tharini know each other - good - hope she gets you to post regularly about all the natak you face while raising two kids. you have a boy and a girl?

noon said...

Tharini, looks like some problem with the new Internet explorer we installed. Now we went back to the old version yet I am having problems logging into my own blogspot. I am now using netscape. Will try and see if that works in posting comments in your blog site.

noon said...

Hey Orchid - you are in that in between phase now - well the moment you start feeling like
I wish A had a sibling" I think it is a good time to just bite the bullet and go for it! :) If you are anyway gonna end up having two, sooner is probly better. Most people say based on their experiences that it is easier when the age gap is minimal even though the first two years are incredibly hard. I have a family frnd who has a son and a daughter who are 6 yrs apart and she says they just don't relate to each other - he is now 14 I think and totally into his sports and what not and she is still playing with her American girls set etc...so she says they pretty much are growing up separately. Anyway - I agree with you - despite the fears about the first few years I do consider myself blessed. I know friends who really wanted to have two but ended up not being able to have a second. Whatever is meant to be. Hoping that this pregnancy will go fine and we will have a healthy baby.

Tharini said...

Yeah, me and D know each other, tho thru the internet. The way we know each other is interesting tho, cos we are part of the same parenting group on yahoogroups, which began with the June 2003 expecting moms, and D was part of the April 2003 board, and she joined us on the June group afterwards! :)

Anonymous said...

well yes, you said it! the important thing is that we are all now happy with the way things turned out! i had said that earlier too somewhere on the 'whether to have a second child or not' debate and someone had commented that one should'nt have a second child for all the wrong reasons (just for the sake of the first child could be one such wrong reason) and i thought that the reason did'nt matter so much - all that mattered was that we loved our baby / babies to bits and we are all evetually happy with the way things turned out.

anyway yes like tharini said thats how we know each other - and i do hope she manages to arm twist me into updating my blog too!

i have two little girls - D aged 3.8 and A aged 1.5. D was and is a dream baby and A is the naughtiest little girl in town. i used to work right up until D was a year old but have been a sahm since then - doing odd jobs from home for my ex office on and off - more off than on!

more later!!!
- d

@ said...

Dear Noon,
Am very late to this announcement - was off work for a whole week, hence my trust feedreader was left unattended!
But, that doesn't matter..what matters is CONGRATS!!! thats one fab news and am sure with your dedication and love, you'll make a great mom to two!
Best wishes to you for a happy pregnancy...so when is the U/s?

Something to Say said...

Hi noon. First time at your blog. Congratulations on the pregnancy. I am still going through that mental debate of a 2nd baby - so far I've told myself - I'm never going to have another child - esp when i have a hard day with the first one. But then again I dont know - maybe tomorrow I'll have different view.

noon said...

Hi D,
Yes, I have never ever heard of someone who had two regretting it - am sure there are moments when they feel like fleeing the whole family situation...but overall everyone seems happy with their decision. two girls - lovely. Hopefully we will read about them once you get going and start churning out posts! :)

noon said...

Hi @, thanks so much. Well yes, hopefully will be a good mother to both children. U/S is about 4 weeks from now. Very eager...each time I go for the doc appt that one minute when she checks for the heart beat...man!
I go with the blind faith that things will turn out ok but sometimes it's hard not to feel anxious...

noon said...

Hi Somthing to say...thanks for visiting and for the wishes. Well, may be you and orchid should talk to each other and convince each other to go for it! I think the desire to give your children the gift of each other is so strong that for most people I have come across - it helps them over come their worst fears and just go for it...I think that is probably the strongest driving force in this decision. Ofcourse there are some who love to be pregnant, who love having a large family and so on...

Terri said...

Hi, noon,

You can now find me at http://terristurf.blogspot.com/. Thanks.

the mad momma said...

Congratulations!!!! Yes, I am jumping for joy... all things happen because they are meant to.. and no child should grow up alone... you will realise that when the little one is one plus and they are company for each other... mine will be 22 months apart....

don't worry about anything... we're all going through the same thing with the same fears and misgivings... yet when you look at the bigger picture and your life ahead, a few months of extra trouble with two tiny tots somehow doesnt seem so bad.... its all abt perspective... and we are all here to support you from a distance for what its worth!!!

noon said...

Terri - thanks for letting me know - I had the old link and clicked on it and what a shocker that was!

Madmomma - Thanks. Yes, I too agree -things happen for a reason and usually for the best. 22months apart - that's exactly what it will be for my two kids too when the second arrives in June. Look forward to seeing photos of your little girl with her older brother...

Tharini said...

Hey...need another wake up call? :)

K's mom said...

hi Noon! been missing for a while - everything ok??